Given the secretive nature of infidelity, exact figures about cheating and extra-marital affairs are nearly impossible to confirm. Infidelity is, of course, an activity characterized by its concealment of intentions and information. It is a practice of lies, deceit, and betrayal.

Contained within the circle of the wedding band are vastly contradictory ideals and standards. We want our spouse or partner to offer stability, safety, predictability, commitment, and dependability. Also, we expect comfort and excitement, familiarity and novelty, continuity and surprise. In short, we want it all.

In the U.S. we live in an age of entitlement and personal fulfillment. In the U.S., sex is a right to our individuality, our self-actualization, and our freedom. Most couples now arrive at the marriage altar and ‘tie the knot’ after having sex, cohabiting, and breaking up. The old way of getting married first and then having sex for the first time is just too outdated for many.

At so many weddings, soon-to-be-married romantics recite a list of vows, covenanting to be everything to each other, from soul mate to lover to confidant to best friend — and it would seem, everything in between. In such a perfect marital partnership, why would anyone ever stray? And why do happy people cheat when they are happy?

Current research indicates that both men and women are almost equally likely to cheat on their partners, a statistic that traditionally favored men in the past. Infidelity statistics don’t convey the whole picture as cheaters sometimes feel an understandable stigma about reporting their infidelity, but the numbers provide us with some idea of the prevalence of cheating in marriages and romantic relationships.

The following are just a few statistics about cheating:

• The rate of cheating increases with age for both married men and married women.
• In a study titled America’s Generation Gap in Extramarital Affairs, 20% of older couples noted that they had cheated during their marriage.
• Most people who cheat have been married for 20 to 30 years and are between the age of 50 and 60.
• More than 50% of cheating spouses, both men, and women, on a Truth About Deception (TAD) survey say they confessed to their spouse about their affair.
• It is estimated that roughly 30% to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity during their marriage. (And these numbers are probably on the conservative side.)
• Infidelity is becoming more common among people under 30. Many experts believe this increase in cheating is due to greater opportunities as well as young people developing the habit of having multiple sexual partners before marriage.
• The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely if ever a rational choice; instead, infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one’s emotions.
• Emotional infidelity, compared to pure physical infidelity, can inflict as much if not more hurt, pain, and suffering. (Most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal.)
• A happy marriage is no guarantee that a spouse will be faithful.

In the end, cheating can leave both partners feeling confused, angry, and grief-stricken within a marriage. Divorce rates tend to be quite high after an affair has taken place with studies indicating about half of those marriages impacted by spousal infidelity end in divorce. The common theme for those divorces is those cheated-on spouses feeling betrayed. If you or your spouse have cheated, take time to think about whether ending the marriage or trying to save it is the best choice for both of you. If you have children, you need to take the time to consider their needs and the potential impact the infidelity will have on them and the potential divorce.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.