How do most affairs end? Based on available research, only three to five percent of relationships that start as infidelity ever lead to marriage. Some research suggests it may be as high as five to seven percent. Either way, the odds of infidelity or affairs leading to marriage is extremely low.

Affairs usually end in one of three ways:

1. Marital Recommitment (to the marriage relationship that was betrayed)
2. Divorce and Relationship Loss
3. Divorce and Remarriage

Each of these three resolutions to an affair carries with them benefits and challenges. However, each resolution is primarily riddled with mostly challenges in the end.

1) Marital Recommitment

For some, an affair can be a catalyst for reviving a marriage. It can encourage each partner to invest more time, effort, and energy in their relationship. While recovery can take years, couples impacted by infidelity can overcome the pain of betrayal of an affair.

Working on a marriage relationship following the storm of an affair usually involves the help of a therapist or marriage counselor. There are many difficult, painful, and frustrating discussions on the path to healing and recovery from an affair. Oftentimes, the road may require the help, support, and counseling of a mediating third party.

2) Divorce and Relationship Loss

Almost all affairs end. An affair may end in both the loss of one’s spouse and the loss of the relationship that prompted infidelity. Affairs are built on lies, deceit, and betrayal. In some cases, the affair partner might not even know that the person they are having an affair with is married or in another committed romantic relationship.

3) Divorce and Remarriage

For others, an affair indicates the start of a new romantic relationship and the end of an old life. The spouse who had the affair leaves their spouse for their affair partner but may also set in motion more affairs, subsequent divorce, and more marriage. (Only 3–5% of affairs lead to marriage. Marriages that start as affairs have a 75% chance of ending in divorce. Many of those divorces are due to repeated infidelity.)

How Long Do Affairs Last?

Because affairs usually bring with them plenty of pain, heartache, and betrayal, it begs the question: why do people have affairs? Why subject yourself to so much pain? Why also drag your spouse into it as well as your affair partner?

Typically, affairs will only last as long as it suits the cheaters’ purpose. Some affairs last hours, while others last a lifetime. Research suggests an average affair lasts two years while others suggest they last between 6–18 months.

For cheaters who are considering leaving their marriage for their affair partner, issues of trust will most likely become serious and constant considerations down the road. Most spouses who leave their marriages for their affair partners have made life-changing sacrifices — both personally and regarding their families. Their sacrifice includes enduring public and personal shame, resentment, and uncertainty. Affairs burn hot and then out because they require secrecy, deceit, lies, and betrayal. Affairs survive more on what each partner withdraws from the relationship rather than what they deposit or invest. In the end, affairs require a sacrifice of one’s integrity and conscience.

The probability of an affair ending in marriage is extremely low. Those betting on building a future with their cheating affair partner are risking everything for a bet with three to five percent of success. While fewer than 25 percent of adulterers and cheaters leave a marriage for an affair partner, most of those relationships are statistically unlikely to endure. Second marriages that begin as affairs typically fall into the “75 percent chance of divorce” category. This research suggests that marriages that start as affairs have only a fractional chance of stability and happiness.

Key Takeaways

Adultery and affair partners are far more likely to get what they want from the affair and move on rather than stay together. Their commitment only goes as far as the convenience and thrill of the experience. Most marriages that last are not built on infidelity or affairs. Most marriages that begin as affairs end in divorce or another affair.

Cheating is a relationship destroyer. The goal of a cheater is to deceive and get gain while also avoiding getting caught. The cheater typically gets out of their affair more than they put into it. The very elements that create an exciting and intoxicating affair are the fuel that consumes the relationship when it becomes a marriage. This is because the affair is fueled by lust and not love.

Issues of lost trust and integrity are a common theme with married former affair partners. The resulting distrust is a natural byproduct of relationships borne out of lies, deceit, betrayal, and infidelity. Furthermore, recent research also suggests that those who have cheated in marriage or romantic relationships previously are three times more likely to cheat again.

When affairs are at their peak, the ‘adultery’ partners are blinded to the inevitability that the ‘romance consumes itself’ because it is based on lust rather than love. Those caught up in the ‘lust’ of an affair nearly always imagine that they are the exceptions to an established pattern of human affairs. They are almost always wrong.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.