Infidelity impacts unfaithful spouses and the legacy they leave behind. Research suggests that a tendency toward infidelity may even run in families. When children of infidelity are aware of parental infidelity, they are much more likely to engage in infidelity as well.

The long-term effects of parental infidelity can run much deeper than future relationship behavior — cheating or not cheating. According to clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, author of Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful, growing up in a family with infidelity has a lasting impact on children in how they view their romantic relationships and their ability to trust future partners.

Nogales’ research found that 75% of children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parents. Her research also found that 80% say that infidelity shapes their outlook on romance and relationships, and 70% describe infidelity as affecting their general trust in others.

Regardless of their age, children whose parents have been unfaithful often react with intense feelings of anger, anxiety, guilt, shame, sadness, and confusion. They may act out, regress, or withdraw. They may feel pressured to win back the love of the unfaithful parent or to become the caretaker of the betrayed parent. — Dr. Ana Nogales Ph.D.

When these children grow up they carry the wounds of their parent’s infidelity with them. Studies show that children from cheating homes are twice as likely to be unfaithful. In the study, “Family Background and Propensity to Engage in Infidelity,” children of parents who cheated were more likely to cheat as adults, too.

A Legacy of Parental Infidelity

Children learn how to be spouses and romantic relationship partners from the direct example of their parents. Parental infidelity creates a permissive environment that teaches children that infidelity is acceptable.

Parental examples of both fidelity and infidelity provide two contrasting examples of marriage and relational approaches to their children. These approaches may be adopted into their children’s future approaches to relationships and marriage:

• “My parent’s fidelity and commitment to my father/mother showed me the importance of being faithful in romantic relationships.”
• “My parent’s infidelity showed me that being unfaithful in romantic relationships is justified and acceptable.”

So, if you establish a relational pattern of infidelity, your children, grandchildren, and great-grandchildren may struggle with infidelity in the future. Infidelity impacts your legacy through time, long after you have passed away.

When children learn that their parents are untrustworthy, their ability to trust others can be seriously damaged. This damage and lost trust may lead them to be overly suspicious, emotionally distant, or refrain from committing to a relationship. These children want to avoid being hurt like their parent was hurt by their cheating parent.

The research, and common sense for that matter, clearly show how infidelity and affairs are immeasurably damaging to families and children. Of children affected by infidelity, Dr. Frank Pittman stated that the children who have grown up the strongest are those who had the chance to “deal with parental infidelity openly, as an error or a character flaw, rather than normal activity or an appropriate solution to a marital problem.”

In other words, parents who have been unfaithful subject their families to bear the burden of their legacy of infidelity, with all of its relational distress, passing it unwittingly from one generation to another. This legacy of infidelity is a legacy of crisis and chaos that generations are left to deal with well after the act of infidelity.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.