Adultery (from Latin adulterium) is extramarital sex that is considered objectionable on social, religious, moral, or legal grounds. Although the sexual activities that constitute adultery vary, as well as the social, religious, and legal consequences, the concept exists in many cultures and is similar in Christianity, Judaism and Islam. Adultery is viewed by many jurisdictions as offensive to public morals, undermining the marriage relationship. Wikipedia
Although adultery, in the USA, is a misdemeanor in most of the states with laws against it, some states categorize the offense as a felony. Punishments vary widely by state from fines to a few years in jail.
Now, several countries in the world still treat adultery as a criminal offense. However, there is also a movement where many countries are moving away from adultery being condemned as a criminal offense. In recent years, countries like India and Taiwan have reversed their position on adultery being a criminal offense.
Betrayal Trauma & STDs
New data published by the CDC estimate that on any given day in 2018, 1 in 5 people in the U.S. had a sexually transmitted infection (STI). The CDC estimate is a few years old, and the transmission rate and risk are more than likely on the rise. This means, that the more people who have STDs and STIs there are, and the more they have sex, the more they risk sharing their STDs and STIs.
Research suggests betrayal trauma symptoms are deeply impactful and may have long-term effects on one’s mental health. Experiencing betrayal, a form of emotional abuse may cause post-traumatic stress disorder. Symptoms such as flashbacks, nightmares, impaired sleeping, depression, anxiety, confusion, distrust, and dissociation, are common. Betrayed spouses (or partners) often feel as if their life and reality were violently ripped from their grasp. This betrayal and trauma may be intensified by the transmission of sexually transmitted disease (STD) or sexually transmitted infection (STI) by an unfaithful spouse.
A spouse’s infidelity may have exposed their innocent spouse to life-long medical issues from STDs or STIs. Whether they decide to forgive their cheating spouse or move on to a healthier relationship — they should know whether they have been exposed to an STD or STI. If their spouse has been with another sexual partner, both of them should be tested as soon as possible.
Infidelity is an assault on the sanctity of marriage. Being victimized is a defining aspect of an affair for the cheated-on spouse or partner. The betrayed (i.e., victim) spouse becomes powerless and feels physically and emotionally assaulted. Many couples cannot make it; others stay together but not without many permanent wounds to the relationship. One of the worst outcomes of infidelity, however, is the transmission of a sexually transmitted disease — STD. The emotional turmoil of being the betrayed and cheated-on spouse creates lifelong damage to trust, self-love, and being emotionally and mentally healthy.
Where the Law is Negligent
There are of course many arguments for and against adultery being treated as a criminal offense. However, most do not acknowledge or focus on the critical issue of protecting the cheated-on spouse from undue exposure to sexually transmitted diseases from the cheating spouse or partner. Herein lies a largely ignored and overlooked issue. When a cheating spouse engages in adultery and then engages in sex with their spouse, they may put their spouse at great health risk. There are two main issues or facts here that are being ignored:
- The cheated-on spouse is ignorant of the adultery their spouse is perpetrating and without foreknowledge to protect themself from unnecessary exposure to sexual disease transmission and other sexually related things (ex; fluids, viruses, bacteria, etc.)
- The cheating spouse most likely has not done any proper medical screening of their adulterous partner’s sexual history or health status.
So, then a series of questions follow regarding how society can help protect the innocent spouse from the willful endangerment their cheating spouse or partner is exposing them to without their knowledge:
- Does the cheated-on spouse have rights under the law to protect them or provide them with some form of remedy from undue transmission or exposure?
- Should the cheating spouse’s willful neglect and endangerment of exposure or transmission require some punishment or penalty?
While some sexual diseases (STDs) are life-threatening, not all are. Some STDs are chronic or recurring and can continue with them (both cheater and cheated-on) into new relationships causing a domino effect of transmission and sharing. In the U.S., 35 states have laws that criminalize HIV exposure. A person can be charged with criminal transmission of HIV when “he or she, knowing that he or she is infected with HIV: (1) engages in intimate contact with another; (2) transfers, donates, or provides his or her blood tissue, semen, organs, or other potentially infectious body fluids for transfusion, transplantation, insemination, or other administration to another.” (Center for Disease Control and Prevention)
Criminalizing sexual disease exposure or transmission from adulterous spouses or partners shouldn’t be limited to HIV. For those of us whose adulterous spouses betrayed and cheated on them, state and country laws need to look at protecting the innocent spouse instead of the guilty spouse. The law neglects its most important role in judging adultery — protecting innocent spouses and their children. It’s time to revisit why adultery should be treated as a criminal offense.
Recovering from Infidelity
If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!
Share Your Story
The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.
About the CHADIE Foundation
The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.
The CHADIE Foundation 