“You don’t marry one person; you marry three: the person you think they are, the person they are, and the person they are going to become as a result of being married to you.” — Richard Needham

Isn’t it interesting how so much effort is put into finding true love in life, preparing for a wedding day, and marriage only to be ruined by allowing worldly distractions and selfishness to take what is most important away? Marriage. Honor. Integrity. Trust. Fidelity.

It’s clear that most everyone wants to find love in this life and share it with someone special. Just consider how many love and marriage television series are popular today. There are so many it would be nearly impossible to list them. If one were to try to amass a list, it would likely include shows, like The Bachelor, The Bachelorette, Married at First Sight, 90 Day Fiancé, Temptation Island, Are You the One, etc. Why so many? Because finding and cherishing love is fundamental to who we are and want to be.

Many, but not all, love stories lead to marriages where couples make vows and promises to each other. A close friend, Trae, committed himself to a “forever journey” with the love of his life, Sadie. Trae’s marriage vows went something like this:

Sadie, you’re everything that I ever dreamed of and everything I will ever need. Our love for each other is heaven-sent. Today I vow to be here with you and for you, forever and always.

I love you more fiercely with every second that slips through our hands. With you, I will make the most of my days.

I promise to be your navigator and sidekick in all of life’s adventures. I promise to be your best friend. I promise you myself completely. Your love gives me hope. Your smile gives me joy. You make me a better person.

My life is forever entangled with yours from this day on. My dreams are your dreams, and I’ll build them all around you.

I promise to share my whole heart with you and to remember to show you how deeply I care for you, no matter the challenges that may come our way. I promise to love you loyally and fiercely — as long as I shall live.

When I am with you, everything else fades to the background. You flood my senses with joy. You are my life, my greatest gift. I’m so lucky to call you the love of my life.

I promise to be there to catch you when you stumble, carry you over every threshold, and fall in love with you every day. I pledge today to have all the patience and passion that love demands. In the laughter and in the silence, I’ll be forever by your side.

I take you as mine, knowing and loving all of your strengths and faults, just as I offer myself to you as yours with all of my strengths and faults. I will be there for you in your times of need, just as I know I can turn to you when I need a guiding hand.

I give you this ring as a sign of my love that’s forever, eternal, and never-ending, like the circle in this ring. With this ring, I promise you that you’ll never have to face the world alone.

I love you with all my heart. You’re my love, light, and soulmate. You’re the person that keeps me singing, smiling, and laughing.

Forever with you simply will not be enough, but from this day forward, I vow to make the most of every moment.

I love you and only you! Forever and ever.

The Adulterer’s Revised Marriage Vows

However, after twenty years, Trae’s adulterous wife’s vows ended up something like this:

Trae, you were everything that I ever dreamed of and everything I needed. Our love for each other was heaven-sent. Today I no longer vow to be here with you and for you, forever and always. I loved you fiercely with every second that slipped through our hands — until I didn’t. With you, I could have made the most of my days but I chose not to.

I promised to be your navigator and sidekick in all of life’s adventures but no longer. I promised to be your best friend. I promised you myself completely. Your love gave me hope. Your smile gave me joy. You made me a better person until I decided to walk another path.

My life was forever entangled with yours. My dreams were your dreams, and I built them all around you until I betrayed you. I betrayed you and have forsaken you forever and ever.

I promised to share my whole heart with you and to remember to show you how deeply I cared for you, no matter the challenges that came our way. I promised to love you loyally and fiercely — as long as I would live. I am so sorry that I lied and mocked our love.

When I was with you, everything else faded to the background. You flooded my senses with joy. You were my life, my greatest gift. I was so lucky to call you the love of my life until I chose to live a lie. I chose to lie and betray our love. You were my greatest gift. I am sorry I lied and failed us.

I promised to be there to catch you when you stumbled, carry you over every threshold, and fall in love with you every day. I pledged to have all the patience and passion that love demands. In the laughter and in the silence, I promised to be forever by your side. I lied and betrayed our love and the sanctity of our marriage. My promise turned to lies and my lies turned to betrayal and adultery.

I took you as mine, knowing and loving all of your strengths and faults, just as I offered myself to you as yours with all of my strengths and faults. I promised to be there for you in your times of need, just as I knew I could turn to you when I needed a guiding hand.

I gave you your ring as a sign of my love that we would be forever, eternal, and never-ending, like the circle in this ring. With that ring, I promised you that you’d never have to face the world alone. I lied. I deceived you. I betrayed you and violated your faith and trust. I betrayed us. I betrayed our family.

I loved you with all my heart. You were my love, light, and soulmate. You were the person that kept me singing, smiling, and laughing. I lied to myself and justified my betrayal of you and our family. I failed our family.

Forever with you simply will no longer be possible but it would have been enough, it should have been enough. I vowed to make the most of every moment with you but I lied. I lied. I lied until I believed I was justified in living the lies I created.

I loved you and only you… until I was deceived! I betrayed us. I betrayed you. I betrayed our children, I betrayed our forever. I lied and said goodbye to our forever!

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.