For the last decade or two, a lot of focus and attention has been on Emotional Intelligence (EQ) — self-awareness and social awareness. EQ essentially translates to us being more aware of our own feelings. When we are aware of our own feelings then we are better able to manage our emotions intelligently. When we are intelligent about managing our own emotions and those of others around us, we will succeed more than someone that lives a reactive life without such awareness and intelligence. This is true and fundamental to living a fulfilling life.
However, if we want the full benefit of such intelligence — which is to achieve true meaning, happiness, and fulfillment — we must first meet a key prerequisite in life: emotional integrity. There are many definitions and interpretations of integrity. But, even with so many definitions, we often struggle to define exactly what integrity is. We recognize it when we see it and its absence. At a fundamental level, integrity is defined as the quality of being honest and fair; the state of being complete or whole; incorruptibility; soundness.
What, then, is Emotional Integrity and why is it so important to live a life of meaning and fulfillment? Emotional integrity is essentially integrity, specifically applied to our own emotional life. Emotional integrity then is knowing what you feel and why. It’s being able and willing to face it and share it, even if it’s painful, difficult, or embarrassing.
If the common use of the word integrity means being honest with others, then emotional integrity involves being honest with the most personal part of ourselves: our own thoughts and feelings. It means being willing to face uncomfortable truths inside ourselves so that we don’t allow them to harm us or those we care about.
Emotional integrity is the personal achievement of emotional strength, discipline, and completeness that remains constant no matter what others do or say. It encompasses both control of emotions and an honest acknowledgment of them. When we achieve emotional integrity, we are steady, consistent, and resilient. Our actions are not determined or influenced by the actions of others. We are emotionally resilient within ourselves, more enjoyable to be with, and easier to communicate with.
When we own our feelings and represent them to others in an honest and true way, our actions and demeanor on the outside match our true feelings on the inside. We will be understandable and predictable in our interactions and relationships.
Signs of Low Emotional Integrity
So, how do we effectively recognize signs of low emotional integrity? We may:
- Try to hide our mistakes or weaknesses from others
- Claim we are not angry or hurt when we actually are, often saying nothing is wrong when something really is
- Avoid sharing things that could be hurtful to others
- Often unaware of our feelings in general
So, how do we address low or deficient emotional integrity? By introspecting deeply about the most important things we want in life, and rank order them.
Integrity begins in the privacy of our lives; we must first develop extreme clarity of what is most important and what we want most out of life. Once we have honest clarity, we can then make life choices about focus, actions, and behavior. A person who is consistent with their emotional integrity can live a life full of integrity, fulfillment, and minimal regret.
Recovering from Infidelity
If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!
Share Your Story
The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.
About the CHADIE Foundation
The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.
The CHADIE Foundation 