If everyone were to base their life or view of life on Hollywood’s version of love and marriage, we would be in a far worse off position than we are as a society. The problem is, we seem to be adopting Hollywood’s portrayal of love and marriage which is actually the convenience of lust and sex. That said, Hollywood tends to romanticize sex as the equivalent of love and marital infidelity as a justified path to pursue happiness. The sad thing is, that the research and society as a whole doesn’t agree with Hollywood or their presentation of societal ‘norms’.

Some countless shows and movies depict children supporting their parents in acts of infidelity or adultery. Some even show the children advocating for their parents to be adulterers. Many suggest that their children agree with parental infidelity and adultery. Thankfully, this is Hollywood only trying to shape our society and illustrates their lost touch with reality.

Based on research in the United States, 90% of Americans believe it is morally wrong to commit adultery. This stat varies based on the source and year of course but is still rather high and not proportionate with Hollywood’s representation of marriage and infidelity. Additionally, the same research suggests that 61% of those surveyed would like to see adultery punished as any other crime. While this may sound to some like an archaic approach, when one considers the fact that a cheating spouse is ‘secretly’ introducing the risk of sexual disease into a marriage as well as other health and mental risks and trauma, one can understand why many support the protection of the innocent spouse and children by making it a criminal offense.

In the United States, 17% of all divorces that occur are due to adultery on the part of either or both parties. (Other research suggests it is between 20–40%.) Due to the secretive nature and shame of infidelity, it is impossible to find the exact figures about cheating, extra-marital affairs, or their divorce relationship. In many cases, infidelity never gets discovered.

With all of this said, one thing is for certain, children remain the most innocent party to marital infidelity and adultery. Children are often lost or silent victims of infidelity and adultery.

Don’t Forget the Children Who Are Also Victims of Infidelity and Adultery

As such, here are a few things we will likely never hear children impacted by their parent’s infidelity and adultery say:

1. I am so glad my father/mother decided to commit adultery and betray my mother/father and family!
2. My father/mother deserved to be betrayed by my mother’s/father’s infidelity and adultery. It’s good that he/she has to deal with being betrayed by my mother/father. Now she/he can live with the aftermath of betrayal for the rest of her/his life as I do.
3. I am very happy that my father/mother decided to have a secret affair. Finding out about the affair felt like a surprise birthday party. Our whole family celebrated after we found out about my father/mother’s affair!
4. I can’t wait to meet my father/mother’s adultery partner and her/his family. I will now have more siblings to grow up with and I am sure they are just as excited about the divorces, splitting, and forced combining of our families as I am!
5. I am excited to have my father/mother’s adulterous partner co-parent me. I am sure she/he will be a far better parent than my actual betrayed parent ever was.
6. I am glad my father/mother had an affair to show me that marriage vows and commitment are archaic, outdated, and stifling. My father/mother showed me that honoring marital vows and commitments to his/her spouse and children is unrealistic, burdensome, and totally optional.
7. I am very proud of my father/mother for having an affair with a married woman/man. Even though he/she may have ruined our family, they also ruined her/his partner’s family. It’s a win-win for both families!
8. I don’t blame my father/mother for having a secret affair, committing adultery, and introducing the risk of transmission of sexual disease(s) to my mother/father. I understand why they lied, deceived, and selfishly committed adultery. It’s how things are and I just want my father/mother to be free from the burden of being honest or acting with integrity and fidelity.
9. Even though my parents raised me, to be honest, keep promises, live with integrity, follow the law, etc. it’s fine that my father/mother cheated on my mother/father and had a sexual affair. Their adultery doesn’t contradict how he/she raised me and doesn’t shatter my faith in their integrity. He/she taught me that I can also be a hypocrite too!
10. One of the best things to come out of my father/mother’s adultery and resulting divorce is that I now get to split my time between my parents. Before his/her affair, I spent 100% of my time with my parents, now I get to split my time instead! It is much better to split my time and have two homes, bedrooms, neighborhoods, schedules, families, sets of friends, etc. If only everyone had it as good as I do now!
11. I enjoy having everyone know that my father/mother cheated on my mother/father! I don’t mind that people talk about my father/mother’s affair and adultery behind my back. I know they talk behind my back because they are happy for me. They envy me and my new life!
12. I relish the fact that now I have a split family and am caught in the enviable position of a family torn in two by adultery and divorce! It feels more natural to be part of a family divorce caused by adultery than an intact family. Who wants to live in the same home with both parents? I’d much rather split time living with my father/mother who cheated on my other parent and get the bonus of living with his/her adultery partner.
13. I can’t wait to meet my father/mother’s adultery partner and thank her/him for helping break up my family. I look forward to meeting her/him because I know he/she must be an honorable person to have a secret sexual affair with my father/mother that tore both families apart through a divorce. I only wish everyone had it as good as I do!
14. I don’t miss living with both of my parents and all of my siblings. I prefer splitting time on rotating weeks with them. I am not sure why everyone doesn’t do it this way.
15. I like how Hollywood promotes marital infidelity and adultery. I enjoy living in the aftermath of what they promote as the ideal family situation. A divided family impacted by adultery and divorce is the best way to be raised and build a life of confidence, trust, and security. Even if established research and data suggests I will struggle with confidence, trust, security, and my relationships, it is still worth it!
16. It’s good to know that my father/mother is fine having sexual relationships with women/men outside of their marriage. It helps me understand that sexual relationships shouldn’t be confined to the commitment of marriage. It’s just sex and fun. I hope my father/mother has sex with whomever and whenever he/she wants!
17. I am so proud of my father/mother for deciding to live an authentic life that isn’t burdened by their marriage commitment to my mother/father or their children. They can date and sleep with whomever they want to whenever they want to. Marriage shouldn’t prevent them from achieving their potential of living an authentic life of infidelity and adultery. Why should they be shackled down with a commitment to their spouse or children? The vows he/she made in marriage are archaic and outdated and shouldn’t be taken seriously.
18. Someday, I hope to be unfaithful to my husband/wife just like my father/mother was to my mother/father. I look forward to carrying on the family tradition and legacy of infidelity and divorce! I am sure my spouse and children won’t mind.

These are just a handful of things that we are not likely to hear from children negatively impacted by their selfish parents who broke marriage vows for sex and adultery outside their marriage. Hollywood promotes a society led by unchecked extramarital sexual appetites with no accountability to self, spouse, or children. Unfortunately, children are the real victims of this selfishness and willful neglect.

More often than not, infidelity causes children to question everything that they thought was real or true about their family. This can bring on depression and anxiety. “Infidelity can have a detrimental psychological effect on kids and lead to a dysfunctional family, which can then disrupt their life and hamper their potential,” Tatyana Dyachenko, a sexual and relationship therapist stated.

The long-term effects of parental infidelity can run much deeper than future relationship behavior (i.e., cheating or not cheating). According to clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, author of Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful, growing up in a family with infidelity has a lasting impact on children in terms of how they view their romantic relationships and their ability to trust future partners.

Nogales’ research found that 75% of children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parent, 80% say that infidelity shapes their outlook on romance and relationships, and 70% describe infidelity as affecting their general trust in others.

The good news is children only have to pay the price of bad decisions through their parent’s infidelity for the rest of their lives. In the meantime, Hollywood will continue to promote the benefits of infidelity to their viewers and champion infidelity and adultery.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.