You’ve learned that your spouse (or partner as the case may be) cheated on you. You may be numb, hurt, angry, in shock, or all of the above. As difficult as it is, you need to put this aside. What you do now and how you react to the news of your spouse’s betrayal may be one of the most critical decisions you make in your ‘new life’.

What You Must Now Recognize

1. Your spouse cheated on you. It’s a painful fact but true. They are a cheater and you can no longer trust them as you once did. Remorseful or not, they have broken marital vows, covenants, and promises of fidelity, honor, and integrity with you and your children. Whether their infidelity was a one-night stand or a serial event, they are no longer the person they once were.
2. Your spouse knowingly risked potentially transmitting STDs and STIs to you. They kept their infidelity (and adultery) secret and violated your right to protect yourself from their potential transmission of disease(s). (Even if they asked their adultery partner before having sexual relationships with them, highly unlikely as it may be, to undergo STD and STI testing to prove they didn’t have any, your spouse didn’t inform you they were sharing their body with one or more other partners.)
3. Your spouse exposed you to his/her adultery partner and their sexual and intimate pool. This means, that your spouse shared with you all of the body fluids, bacteria, and viruses from his/her adultery partner who is a composite of all of their sexual partners — past and present.
4. If your cheating spouse’s adultery partner is married or has a partner, they also expose him/her to your spouse’s body fluids, bacteria, etc.
5. Your cheating spouse lied, deceived, and betrayed your marriage vows and covenants and willingly did so for their pleasure and selfishness.
6. Your life will never be the same again whether you work with your spouse to work through their infidelity or not.

What You Should Now Understand

1. Your cheating spouse may be able to change and try to work your marriage out with you but that remains to be seen.
2. You will never forget your cheating spouse’s betrayal — even if you learn to forgive them.
3. If in time you can forgive them, learning to trust them again is another story altogether.
4. Your cheating spouse exploited and violated your body and mind — you are no longer their best friend or highest commitment and they have proven that to you through their infidelity.
5. Your cheating spouse put their adultery partner ahead of their marriage vows, covenants, and commitments with you.

Now, this is a lot to take in. Pause and consider the above while working through all of the emotions that come from processing betrayal from your spouse. Take some time to ponder what you will do next. Clear your mind and think about how you want to respond, what you need to do, and when you will do it.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.