For those of us who have survived a partner or spouse’s infidelity and betrayal, we know all too well the impact their actions have had on us, our children, our families, our friends, and our lives. The deep trauma and fallout of infidelity echo daily into the betrayed and betrayer’s lives.

Extramarital affairs are typically taboo. As with all taboo things, affairs are talked about discreetly in our society. However, extramarital affairs not only ruin the cheating spouse’s social reputation but also damage their mental and emotional health. While affairs and adultery are still frowned upon, most cheaters don’t realize that it won’t just have an effect on their social reputation but will also impact them mentally and physically. As research suggests, extramarital affairs can be taxing and damaging to both the perpetrator and their victims.

If your partner or spouse had a one-night stand or is having an affair, the effect can be traumatic. Knowing that someone you love and trust has cheated on you can be debilitating in every facet of your life. Some people feel distressed and emotionally insecure. They might even doubt their sense of self, questioning everything in the past. The aftermath is extremely tough to deal with, for the cheater and for the wronged and betrayed partner or spouse.

That said, the cheating partner or spouse who has had the affair may be caught between varying levels of guilt, shame, embarrassment, anxiety, anger, and resentment. Still, some may even feel freed from their secret. Most cheaters are exposed and vulnerable. Cheaters have to contend with loneliness and depression brought on by their infidelity and deceit. The unfaithful partner or spouse will likely experience a constant spectrum of deep and painful emotions.

Infidelity Affects Mental, Physical, and Sexual Health

In most cases, both the perpetrator of infidelity and the victims can have serious mental and physical health consequences. Post-infidelity has been associated with depression, anxiety, and unhealthy coping behaviors such as eating disorders and substance abuse and misuse. Many mental health professionals also believe there are parallels between post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD) and what is being referred to as post-infidelity stress disorder (PISD).

Infidelity has even been associated with heart problems. A number of studies have found that men who cheat are more likely to have heart attacks. Others may suffer from ‘broken heart syndrome’ — stress-induced cardiomyopathy which typically affects older women who have experienced emotional trauma.

For those who have been cheated on in a previous relationship or marriage, or had a parent have an affair, the effect can be devastating. Some betrayed individuals struggle to come to terms with infidelity because it’s linked to unresolved grief and experiences.

In addition to mental health issues, affairs can have sexual health implications. One study found that people in monogamous relationships and those who had multiple sexual partners had similar risks of STD (sexually transmitted diseases) and STI (sexually transmitted infections) transmission. The researchers concluded that this was due to infidelity.

Since a number of STDs and STIs are symptomless and can have serious consequences when left untreated, cheating spouses put their partners at great health risk through their promiscuity. This should not come as a surprise given the selfishness and betrayal of their partner and spouse.

The weight and burden that a cheating partner or spouse carries can be overwhelming in the end. They have inflicted harm on their partner or spouse, children, families, and friends. Some of the factors they need to contend with include:

1. Guilt. Guilt. And More Guilt.

One might be happy with their lover but the guilt of hurting their spouse is troubling. This guilt makes them emotionally weaker, bringing a drop in their confidence level and self-esteem. This only causes more stress and mental upheaval.

2. Fear of Getting Caught

Fear is a negative mental health state. The fear of getting caught gnaws away at the person engaged in an extramarital affair. They keep thinking about what will happen if they’re caught, how it will affect their family, and what society will think of them. This fear brings mental and emotional instability increasing their vulnerability to anxiety and depression.

3. Mental Exhaustion

The constant feeling of guilt combined with fear can leave one extremely exhausted. Moreover, undue expectations from a lover can make the case even worse. All these factors combined create stress and mental pressure, adding to the feeling of emotional exhaustion. Plus, being romantically connected with two people at the same time can actually be quite daunting.

4. Damaged Self-Esteem

Overthinking the repercussions of an extramarital affair can be extremely damaging to one’s mental health. One might end up seeing themselves as a culprit and take the blame for everything going wrong. This thought process can cause damage to their self-esteem and can increase the likelihood that they make other damaging decisions.

Extramarital affairs often lead to feelings of guilt, shame, and horror. Living secretive parallel lives involves tremendous logistical decisions to be made. This dual lives approach can lead to fatigue, exhaustion, and burnout for cheaters. For cheaters who have consciences, fear of putting one’s marriage on the line, leading to emotional hurt for the spouse and children can cause extreme distress.

There are, however, people who find the idea of adultery exciting and adventurous. Basically, they view it either as a coping behavior or as a break from their perceived monotonous life and routine. Needless to say, the emotional burden often weighs too heavily on them affecting their mental health, no matter what their justification for their extramarital affair is.

Final Thoughts

In the end, it isn’t wise to put your relationship, marriage, children, and mental health in jeopardy for a few moments of infidelity and sexual excitement. Before considering infidelity, think twice. The price of infidelity is too great and more often than not a price too difficult to fully pay in this lifetime. Those who cheat hurt those they love and that pain can take a lifetime to dissipate.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.