There are many reasons for infidelity such as revenge, boredom, insecurity, the thrill of sexual novelty, and sexual addiction. While research has historically suggested that men are more likely to cheat than women, in both marriage and relationships, that may not be the case after all. At least, not for long.

In Dr. Alicia M. Walker’s book, The Secret Life of the Cheating Wife: Power, Pragmatism, and Pleasure in Women’s Infidelity, Walker learned that women cheat at the same rates as men, if not more. It turns out, that the cheating wife is not the exception anymore. And depending on the age group and behavior, sometimes women cheat even more often than men.

They are our sisters, mothers, neighbors, friends, and Sunday School teachers. They are the women whose marriages you think are “good” or “fine”. But they are also the women who sought out secret lovers to cope with their insecurities, low self-esteem, and fulfill sexual desires and untapped passions. They did not “fall” into their infidelity. They weighed their options. And then they sought out and took an illicit lover.

Both men and women cheat for a variety of reasons — due to problems in a relationship, a need for intimacy, a high sex drive, low self-esteem, insecurity, or a midlife crisis. Biology gives us some explanation as to why both men and women cheat. When focusing on biological sex differences — men and women cheat in different ways. Women tend to be more flirtatious, take more risks, and act in sexually provocative ways when they are ovulating. In general, women are also attracted to more masculine and physically attractive men when ovulating.

But it also helps to keep in mind that while there may be differences between the sexes when it comes to cheating, men and women are more alike than they are different. Both sexes cheat for a variety of reasons. The following stats provide some insight into cheating:

• A happy marriage is no guarantee that a spouse will be faithful. Happily married people sometimes cheat due to a desire for novelty.
• It is estimated that roughly 30% to 60% of all married individuals (in the United States) will engage in infidelity during their marriage. (These numbers are probably on the conservative side.)
• A midlife crisis may be experienced by a woman between the ages of 30 and 60 who is frustrated with her current life. A midlife crisis may lead to infidelity.

The initial decision to be unfaithful is rarely if ever a rational choice; instead, infidelity is usually driven by circumstances and one’s emotions or dissatisfaction with who they are. In fact, most people are surprised by their own infidelity and unfaithful behavior at the start of an affair.

Emotional infidelity, compared to pure physical infidelity, can inflict as much if not more hurt, pain, and suffering. However, most infidelity involves both physical and emotional betrayal.

Because of the severity of infidelity and its aftermath, some cultures have adopted extreme measures to combat infidelity: female circumcision, allowing only limited contact between the sexes, and even death as a punishment. While other cultures, on the other hand, view infidelity in a more nuanced way, and may not see it as too serious a marital problem.

Why then do women cheat? Some women cheat to avoid boredom; other women cheat because they feel neglected or underappreciated. Still, other women say they cheat just because they want to. The reasons for infidelity are complex and unique to each relationship. However, as complex and unique as they may be, their cheating and infidelity still lead to pain and suffering for their selves, their spouses, their children, their paramours, and all who are impacted by their infidelity.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.