The cultural notion of a “midlife crisis” is more than a half-century old. Elliot Jaques first coined the term in 1965. Jacques suggested that the midlife crisis (MLC) was a response to the realization of mortality. Erikson (1963), using a developmental lens, saw midlife as the period when there would be a “struggle” between generativity and stagnation.

A midlife crisis may be experienced by men or women between the ages of 30 and 60 who are frustrated with their current life. A midlife crisis may lead to infidelity, divorce, or both.

A common symptom of a midlife crisis is restlessness and a desire to change life circumstances. A midlife crisis is a felt sense of dramatic self-doubt that is typically experienced in the “middle years” of life, as people acquire a deeply felt sense of their fading youth and the near-term onset of old age.

Levinson and colleagues (Levinson, Darrow, Klein, Levinson, & McKee, 1978) theorized that the midlife “transition” (i.e., “crisis”) was a series of changes unfolding over time. Levinson’s research reveals that a midlife transition often begins around the age of 40, typically because of strong feelings that personal growth has been thwarted by outside conditions and constraints.

Sometimes, transitional experiences such as the death of loved ones, menopause, financial setbacks, career changes, or a soon-to-be “empty nest” may trigger the feeling of having a “mid-life crisis.” The consequences may be a sudden desire to make significant changes in day-to-day life, such as in marriage, career, or romantic relationships.

A midlifer who is undergoing a midlife crisis may choose a path of infidelity. It is a time to explore their personal issues, whether it be a feeling of entitlement, low self-esteem, hypersexuality, or mid-life crises in which they question everything about their life — work, marriage, education, and place in the world. There may even be a family history of infidelity where having an affair is a “learned behavior” and is implicitly condoned or encouraged.

For many people, an affair is a life-changing event. It often prompts a thorough self-examination and can lead to a complete redirection of a person’s life. Unfortunately, the lessons learned after their infidelity oftentimes come too late and the damage is done to marriage, spouse, and children.

Is a Midlife Crisis Affair a Personal Rite of Passage?

Some researchers believe that what passes for a midlife crisis affair has more to do with individual states, traits, and experiences and not some trans-personal rite of passage into old age.

In the big picture, over 80% of all divorces occur before age 45 for wives, and nearly 75% of all divorces occur before age 45 for husbands. The saddest part is, that infidelity doesn’t lead to a happier state or place.

The probability of an affair ending in marriage is very, very low — only three to five percent of affairs lead to marriage, and many join the 75 percent of second marriages that fail, a rate half again as high as first marriages. While fewer than 25 percent of adulterers (i.e. cheaters) leave a marriage for an affair partner, according to one source, most of those relationships are statistically unlikely to endure.

According to Dr. Frank Pittman, author of Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy and Elizabeth Landers, a second marriage that begins with infidelity is likely to fail within two years. Additional research suggests that only 1% achieve stability and happiness.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.