(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

Willie started his sexual affair with Kaite knowing his relationship and decisions were at odds with his religion, faith, and whatever was left of his conscience. He knew he was violating his marriage vows and covenants and helping cause Kaite to do the same in her marriage. Part of Willie’s heart remained in his marriage believing that he could have his ‘cake and eat it too’ while another part of him felt free and invigorated by the excitement of his infidelity and free sex with Kaite.

As is very common, Willie and Kaite’s adulterous affair was discovered and his wife decided to divorce him. Willie pursued his affair for another month or so while his wife pursued their divorce. Willie eventually realized he wasn’t quite sure he wanted to give up half of his retirement and income so he told Kaite he needed time to ‘help his children’ through the difficult time. He sought an exit from his affair with the hopes of repairing his relationship with his wife and children. He hoped he could just tell them he was done with his affair with Kaite and return to life as normal — with the option to resume his affair with Kaite or someone else down the road. He’d be more careful next time of course.

Unfortunately for Willie, his wife and children didn’t see the point of letting him come back so their divorce process continued and Willie eventually moved out and he secretly shacked up with Kaite. (Willie’s wife had grown weary of his 15+ year-long porn addiction and now that he had moved on to having affairs she felt he wasn’t a man of integrity or honor.)

During the divorce, Willie tried everything he could to discredit his wife and the evidence she had gathered of his adultery with Kaite. After several months, Willie finally conceded and accepted a more equitable settlement for his wife. Willie believed his wife to not be marriage material for anyone else since he felt she was ‘broken’ like he felt their children were too. As such, rather than agreeing to pay his wife alimony for 20 or more years, he agreed to pay her guaranteed alimony for less than half that time regardless if she married. This guarantee would potentially save him $1.5 million in alimony as a result. It was a shrewd business decision but one he felt would be better for him in the long run because his wife was ‘broken’ as far as he was concerned and wasn’t marriage material so he wanted to limit his ‘liability’ to his ex-wife.

Six months after their divorce was final, Willie’s ex-wife remarried. A few months later, Willie stopped paying alimony claiming he shouldn’t have to pay alimony now that she was remarried — even though he had expressly agreed to do so. (Ironically, Willie also felt that his ex-wife was premature in getting remarried and introducing their children to a new stepfather so quickly. However, he seemed okay with his infidelity and how his shacking up with Kaite impacted his children but not with his wife remarrying so quickly.) Willie took his ex-wife to court accusing her of everything he could to pivot himself from being the perpetrator to being the victim for paying alimony he shouldn’t have to pay.

The drama continues to date but what is clear is that Willie is a man without integrity. Willie wants what he wants and will do whatever he needs to to get it. What Willie’s selfish and destructive behavior illustrates is his disregard for his ex-wife who has borne several children for and with him, cared for him, supported him through advanced degrees in school, and sacrificed for him and their marriage, as well as his children. He was not interested in fulfilling his agreement with his wife, and by extension, his children.

No matter how the court settles on Willie’s case against his ex-wife, one thing is for sure — Willie has proven he has no integrity. Willie will do whatever he needs to enjoy his life regardless of the impact it has on his ex-wife, children, Kaite, or Kaite’s children. Willie is going to live his truth or whatever the heck it is he decides is important to him. Kaite is an active supporter of Willie’s treatment and behavior toward his ex-wife and children. Someday Kaite may be on the receiving side of Willie’s lack of integrity and unfaithfulness. Maybe not. Either way, Willie has proven to his ex-wife, children, Kaite, Kaite’s children, friends, family, church, and himself that he has no integrity.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

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The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.