(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

Almost two years ago my wife started an affair and after a long and arduous divorce process, I have had sufficient time to sort through the life transition of everything. While there are countless lessons from my marriage, my ex-wife’s adultery, and our resulting divorce, there are a few lessons that are more poignant than others at this time.

One such lesson was coming to terms with the fact that I funded and subsidized my wife’s affair and adultery. After the discovery of her affair, we spent some time ‘reconciling’ if our marriage could survive another one of her affairs. During this reconciliation, my wife admitted that her married adultery partner had only bought her one smoothie and some jewelry during their affair. It was then that I realized how much of their affair I had been funding.

As I thought about their affair I realized that her lover essentially got free sex, intimacy, and ‘dates’ with my wife. She wasn’t working and aside from the smoothie and jewelry he purchased for her, I had been funding their adultery getaways, sex, doctor visits, shopping, meals, events, fuel, and transportation. (They even used my car for their adultery — so I sold it.) My wife’s adultery lover only paid for his expenses for his affair with my wife.

As I moved forward with divorcing my wife, I was essentially required by the law to continue funding my wife’s adultery endeavors as she refused to work and the law wouldn’t require her to until the divorce settlement when alimony was determined. She was completely capable of working and had little domestic responsibility given our children were mostly raised and gone.

While our divorce was delayed and drawn out due to post-COVID-19 issues, I worked, took care of my family, attended church, and stayed active in community and sporting activities. I also helped my adult children deal with the trauma and pain of their mother’s repeated infidelity and the resulting divorce. While I was doing this, my wife was free to continue her affair without family or financial responsibility.

For two years, I struggled with the reality of being required to fund my wife’s adultery. Today, while I am not happy about it, I accept the fact that the legal system doesn’t support or protect me as an abused and traumatized spouse. I am aware of many others who have been through this or are now going through it. I can only hope that someday divorce law factors such dilemmas into the process. However, for now, it is just how the legal system works.

While the legal system doesn’t care about the personal concerns I had about funding my wife’s affair and adultery, there should be some consideration for those who do not want to be required to fund such infidelity and adultery. There is a definite need for U.S. divorce law reform and in time we will hopefully see the much-needed reformation.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.