(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

After learning that my wife was having another affair, I also learned that the wife of the man she was having her affair with planned on posting her evidence of their affair online via social media outlets. I was numb, confused, and in shock. I was dead inside. Within minutes my life and my children’s lives would change forever and there was little I could do to protect us from the hailstorm that would follow.

After taking a few minutes to consider the few options we had, I suggested to my wife that we tell our children about her affair before it became public. She disagreed but I held strong on the need to tell our children rather than risking that they would find out through social media postings and the potential viral storm that would follow. My wife relented but insisted that we just tell our children we were going to get a divorce. She was understandably in denial and in shock but was also not interested or willing to do what was right for our children in the aftermath and chaos of her affair.

Minutes later, we approached our youngest child (a minor) and sat “Pat” down to break the news. Pat was in shock and then broke down crying. Pat expressed shock and pain to my wife. My wife coldly responded, “I am sorry you feel that way.” She robotically repeated this same response several times over the next half hour with our youngest child.

We repeated this process with our older children one by one. Each of our children expressed shock, shame, and sadness at the news of my wife’s infidelity. Of the pain that my children and I felt that day, what stands out among the pain and sadness is her emotionless response to each of our children, “I am sorry you feel that way.” Such is the exclamation point to an adulterous affair and the children who are victims of it. The response, “I am sorry you feel that way.” adequately summarizes the self-centeredness of the adulterer, their actions, and their mindset towards their spouses and children.

Ironically, the response, “I am sorry you feel that way.” also essentially shifted the blame of the guilty perpetrator to the victim for feeling bad about being betrayed and hurt. The proper response from the betrayed to the perpetrator is, “What way? Betrayed? Shocked? Hurt? Horrified? Ashamed? Disappointed?Angry? Yeah, I feel ‘like that’ because of your actions, betrayal, and lies. I am sorry that your only response is ‘I am sorry you feel that way.’ to me as your child.”

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The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who have been negatively impacted by adultery, affairs, and infidelity. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.