Almost two years ago, my life was forever altered when I found out my wife was in the midst of another affair. The pain of finding out that she was unfaithful again was mind-numbing and traumatic. I couldn’t speak or think. The pain was soul-crushing. I was hurt and sickened beyond measure.

Within an hour or so of finding out, my son who was in college at the time texted me. I responded to his text without telling him about his mom’s infidelity. Something about my response to his text didn’t feel right to him so he called me. I answered his call and spoke with him as best I could. Sensing something was wrong he eventually asked how I was doing to which I broke down crying. A minute or two later. I told him that I had just found out about his mother’s infidelity and was just distraught and numb in every possible way. We finished our brief call and he called his mother.

I didn’t know it then but I do now that her malicious war had begun. His mother would begin a long, intentional battle for the hearts and minds of our children. She would do everything she could to blame me for her repeated infidelity and adultery. She was hellbent on showing everyone that she was the real victim and that she had no choice but to commit adultery. She made up a myriad of excuses to justify her affair and unfaithfulness. She allied herself and alienated our children in the most horrific and painful ways possible. She lied, deceived, and manipulated.

Unfortunately, the ensuing war and divorce were exhausting physically, mentally, spiritually, and financially. It will take years to fully recover but our children were equally impacted by the terrible rift their mother’s infidelity and our resulting divorce caused. Our children are forever scarred as a result. In time they too will fully recover from the aftermath of their mother’s infidelity but it will take time since she married her adultery partner and our children are caught in two marriages broken by their mother’s and stepfather’s adultery.

In looking back, if I could do anything it would be to take the pain, shame, and confusion away from my children. They deserve better. They don’t need the daily reminder of the affair, adultery, or their broken family. They deserve an intact family. They deserve to believe again in love, marriage, and commitment. They deserve to be able to trust their spouse to be faithful and honorable. Unfortunately, they are collateral damage from infidelity and the ravaging life-long war that often follows.

Key Takeaways

If you are having an affair, considering one, or have had one, you need to seriously consider the damage and impact it will have on your spouse and children. Your children are innocent and should not be thrown into your infidelity or the wave of sorrow that follows. If you are a spouse who has been cheated on by an unfaithful and adulterous spouse, do everything you can to avoid overly involving your children in the aftermath of your spouse’s affair. Your children are innocent and do not need to be dragged through hell and back with you. Save your children from the hell that follows infidelity.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.