There are many reasons to carefully choose a spouse and lifelong companion. Choosing a spouse and marriage requires a deep evaluation and assessment of yourself and your potential spouse, your compatibility, commitment, integrity, fidelity, and love. Your decision on who you marry and why you marry will have a huge impact on the quality of your life, your spouse’s life, and your children’s life. Your decision may be the most important decision you ever make.

Recent research suggests that a good marriage is good for your health — and that a bad marriage can literally be a heartbreaker. So, your goal should be to find someone who shares your values, you are compatible with, enjoys being around you, challenges you to be better, supports you, will be faithful and committed, and who helps and wants you to be happy. As such, choosing a spouse is one of the most significant and important choices you’ll make in your life.

Putting Your Heart First

Many researchers have spent the past decade or two conducting studies looking at the effect of marital strain on cardiovascular health. Some of the most recent studies follow both men and women with borderline high blood pressure for three years and found that blood pressure is directly linked to what is referred to as “marital cohesion”. Marital cohesion refers to how much couples do and share together in their marriage.

One such study found that if you had a bad marriage, it was best to avoid your spouse — because time spent with your spouse caused your blood pressure to go up. However, in a good marriage, the opposite was true. Good marriages are good for the heart.

According to WebMD, “…Earlier studies have found that couples in good marriages had thinner heart walls than those in bad marriages. A thicker heart wall means higher blood pressure.” While most current studies have looked at cardiovascular effects, the advantages and disadvantages of marriage don’t appear to be isolated to the cardiovascular system only. In fact, they may be tied to how your body handles stress. As such, the way stress presents itself may control the system most affected. It could be the immune system, depression, gastrointestinal problems, skin conditions, or emotional disorders like anxiety conditions.

The Benefits of Happy Marriage

Overall, more research is still needed on the overall benefits of marriage. However, what is clear is there is a small but growing number of studies illustrating the varied health effects of marriage. According to an article published on WebMD, The Importance of Being…Married, “One study, for example, showed that marital stress can double a person’s risk of developing diabetes. Another study, out of Sweden, showed women in marital distress had a three times greater risk of a second heart attack. And a third showed that positive marital interactions can boost immunity and reduce the risk of heart disease by keeping stress hormones low.”

“The benefits of a happy marriage are better physical health, greater resistance to infection, fewer infections, and a reduced likelihood of dying from cancer, heart disease, from all major killers. The other health benefit is longevity. Married people live longer, particularly if they are in good, satisfying relationships.”

“There are both physical benefits and mental health benefits to marriage. You have less depression and psychosis, fewer anxiety disorders, posttraumatic stress disorders, and phobias. You also have fewer injuries due to accidents.”

“However, the opposite is true when relationships and marriages end. This is especially true when one spouse dies. Oftentimes the surviving partner will die of what some call the “broken-heart syndrome.” There is a bereavement process that is extremely well-documented. People really go through physical grief and they secrete [the stress hormone] cortisol, and a lot of systems really shut down. [The grieving spouses] become more vulnerable to all kinds of infectious agents; their immune systems aren’t working. So a person will get something like pneumonia and die very quickly. And they also lose the will to live.”

For Better or for Worse

The benefits of a good marriage are equally beneficial for women as for men. For men, just being married provides tremendous benefits including reduced risk of bad health and unhealthy behavior.

Women are less prone to risky behavior, and more likely to go to the doctor when sick. In general, they take better care of themselves. The other major difference is men generally have poor social support systems, and women typically have great social support systems.

“This just goes to show you how much men get taken care of in a marriage”, says David Woodsfellow, Ph.D., director of the Center for Relationship Therapy in Atlanta. “While the traditional role has man as the provider, that role is really as the provider of money,” he says. “In that traditional role … the woman is the provider of nurturing comfort, home, and often food, clothing, and furnishings. I think it is those roles and their vestiges that account for the finding that marriage is better for men.”

Key Takeaways

While being married can benefit your health, how can couples get the maximum benefit for both parties involved? Woodsfellow offers these four tips for bridging the differences and keeping a marriage healthy and happy.

1. Regular communication — Talk to each other every day. “Make a point of learning what the other one’s day was like,” he says. “That becomes one type of quality time: undivided attention.”
2. Speak kindly and be complimentary — Say nice things to one another; give one another compliments.
3. Don’t reject your spouse — Try not to reject each other. “Be aware of the little moments when your partner is reaching out to you and try to respond to them rather than turn your back to them, even if you are busy,” says Woodsfellow.
4. Develop special bonds — Develop your own little habits, rituals, secret words, or secret signals.

Woodsfellow’s four tips can be foundational to having a good, strong marriage. The added benefit is the health benefits that come from a happy marriage.

It’s All About Commitment

When people really love and are committed to each other, they become vulnerable and powerful at the same time. Marriage, particularly good marriage, significantly increases the likelihood of a healthy and happy life. Your decision on who you marry and why you marry will have a huge impact on your health and happiness.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! There is hope if you are a spouse who has betrayed your marriage’s trust, love, and fidelity! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy and groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you want to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.