(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

Ally had been married for more than 15 years. She had children she cared for while also attending school to finish up her advanced degree. She was also managing her marriage, church responsibilities, and personal health challenges. Her life was as busy and complicated as life is when you are in your thirties. Life was good until it wasn’t.

One morning, things changed forever. Her husband returned from a late shift at work. He woke her up as he readied himself for bed. She struggled with his shifts and recent behavior. He was more distant than usual. All he wanted was sex. If it was even possible, he now spent less time with her and their children than ever before. They had been going to marriage counseling but he seemed to use their sessions to blame her for everything.

Now that she was awake, he came to bed, said nothing, then fell asleep. About thirty minutes later, she got up, grabbed his phone, and left the master bedroom. She went into the kitchen, opened his phone, and after some searching found something but not exactly what she was expecting. She was expecting to find more evidence of his continued pornography addiction. She didn’t.

What she did find shocked her to her core. He had been having an affair with another married woman. She felt as if every part of her was dying. Slowly and painfully. Her husband of more than 15 years — her best friend — had betrayed her, their marriage, and their children. Her husband who was respected in the community and in their church was an adulterer. She returned to their master bedroom to confront the man she used to believe was her best friend.

Weeks later with divorce paperwork being filed, Ally’s husband now lived in the basement of their home. He was openly living his adulterous affair now but still acting like he wanted to work his marriage out with his wife. He sent her texts and called her carrying on as if they were still best friends.

Ally finally set him straight, “We’re not friends anymore. Your problems are your problems now. I am not here to support you in your adultery. I am not your best friend anymore. You betrayed our marriage, me, and our children. We are getting divorced. Don’t you understand what you have done?!”

He didn’t understand nor did he care. He wanted his marriage and his affair. Ally and his children opted out. She knew they deserved more and over the next year, she divorced him, found and married a new faithful best friend and husband, finished another year of school, and continued raising her children.

As for her ex-husband… he gave up everything important for adultery. In the process, his adultery also cost his mistress her marriage and reputation too. Their secret affair was the secret that destroyed their marriages.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.