(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

Even though it was a few years ago, I still remember it like it was yesterday. It is unfortunately one of those decisions that end up being seared into your mind. My affair was more important to me than my young son’s birthday. My lapse in character and integrity haunts me daily.

A few years ago in late September, my son celebrated a special birthday. At the time, I was separated from his mom — my wife because I had been having a sexual affair with another married woman. I started my affair shortly after the worldwide pandemic brought on by COVID-19. My work put me on the front lines of COVID-19 and I was not managing my stress and mental health well. As a result, I started to find fault with my wife, my marriage, and my children.

Not long after, I decided my family was what made me unhappy so I began to flirt with other women at the club I went to. Admittedly, most women didn’t pay attention to me. (I am not what most women would consider physically or intellectually attractive so I expected as much but knew the odds would eventually end in my favor if I kept flirting.)

Eventually, I noticed an older married woman who was flirtatious with me. We started to flirt and eventually met privately and sexually. I soon realized that she had adopted a very similar mindset — she was unhappy because of her marriage, her husband, and her children. She too was convinced that she was cheated of happiness because of her marriage and family. At the time, it seemed we were perfect for each other!

On too many occasions, I found myself choosing to be with her instead of my wife and children. I would tell my wife and children that I was called into work to cover for an early or late shift but would instead head over to spend time with my mistress and have sex. Being with her was much easier than being a husband or father — I could be carefree with my mistress and have sex with her with minimal commitment.

On my son’s birthday, I picked up my son to take him out for his birthday. (I was continuing my adulterous relationship with my mistress and my divorce was still in process so I wasn’t invited to his birthday party with my wife and children.) That night, I took my son to dinner. He was still pretty young but old enough to understand what I was doing with my mistress and why his mom was divorcing me. We talked but it was still very awkward.

During the dinner, my mistress texted me to meet her. I had only been with my son for an hour but it seemed like it was “sufficient enough time” to me. I decided to take my son home early to his mom and siblings so I could meet up with my mistress.

No matter how many excuses I have made since that night to justify my behavior, I am filled with deep regret. I chose my mistress over my son. I chose her over him on his birthday. I abandoned my son on his birthday for sex with an empty, selfish, and delusional woman. I chose her over my son, my flesh, my blood. My son who I should have been raising, loving, and protecting. Instead, I chose infidelity over my son. I was blinded by my selfishness and chose to spend my time with my mistress who was as selfish and dishonorable as I was.

My mistress was as sick and sad as I was but I still chose her over my son. I am sickened by my choice and who I became during my affair. Today, I am still with my mistress and only see my children 30% of the time I would if I were still married to their mother and hadn’t started my affair.

I am haunted and in my hell. I was wrong to choose my mistress over my wife and my children but it is too late to change what I did and what I gave up. I CHOSE MY MISTRESS OVER MY SON. The pain and anguish I have caused my children is horrible. May God, my ex-wife, and my children forgive me!

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.