(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

It’s true. After learning of my wife’s repeated infidelity I soon came to realize I had technically been married to her adultery partner. For months, I had unwittingly been living with and paying for his adultery with my wife. He had funded very little of his affair with her.

My marriage had become a threesome. Technically, it was a foursome since he was still married to his wife but after a year of my wife and her adultery partner’s affair being public, his wife divorced him. So, it went from a twosome to a foursome to a threesome marriage for me.

To be fair, her lover brought all of the sexual risk he could and more. He brought his sexual pool into my life through my wife’s secret infidelity and adultery. My wife violated my rights to protect myself from exposure and risk of transmission of sexual infections and diseases (STDs and STIs). Every time my wife kissed me or made love to me she intentionally exposed me to the risk of STDs and STIs. She did this freely and without my permission or knowledge. Her careless and selfish sexual relationship with her adultery partner meant I was unwittingly exposed to their sexual infidelity.

Because she did this without my knowledge, I was unknowingly and blindly led to bed with my wife, her affair partner, his other lovers, and his wife. (His wife was also equally innocent but unknowingly forced to share in a foursome sexual relationship.) While my wife continued with her exciting sexual fantasy and delusions, I was unknowingly sharing the same bed, back car seat, etc. with her and her adultery lover.

Lessons Learned

You don’t realize what a violation of your marriage and personal rights it is until you are thrown into the dark side of marriage by your spouse and her infidelity. Until I learned of my wife’s affair, I was blindly exposed to my wife’s infidelity. She was bringing her adultery partner’s sexual history, fluids, bacteria, viruses, parasites, and potential diseases into my life and body.

After living with this reality for two years, I was able to not only divorce my wife but also her adultery partner. Looking back, I was horrified to learn that I had been unknowingly forced into a foursome sexual couple. I am free from my ex-wife now and her adultery partner but I am forever scarred from their indiscretion and infidelity.

I am grateful to be divorced from my ex-wife and her adultery partner but I still live with the natural results of their exposing me to their sexual escapades and disease pool. I was violated in the most heinous ways but I am free from further exposure to their carelessness and selfishness. They destroyed two marriages and maliciously exposed me (and his wife) to their sexual exploits. That said, I am free! I am grateful and free at last. Unfortunately, how our children fair after the dust is settled remains to be seen.

Simple STIs and STDs Facts

• Sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) — or sexually transmitted infections (STIs) — are generally acquired by sexual contact. The bacteria, viruses, or parasites that cause sexually transmitted diseases may pass from person to person in blood, semen, or vaginal and other bodily fluids.
• More than 30 different bacteria, viruses, and parasites are known to be transmitted through sexual contact. Eight of these pathogens are linked to the greatest incidence of sexually transmitted diseases. Of these, 4 are currently curable: syphilis, gonorrhea, chlamydia, and trichomoniasis. The other 4 are incurable viral infections: hepatitis B, herpes simplex virus (HSV or herpes), HIV, and human papillomavirus (HPV). (World Health Organization)
• STIs don’t always cause symptoms. It’s possible to contract sexually transmitted infections from spouses who seem perfectly healthy and may not even know they have an infection.
• Each year there are an estimated 374 million new infections with 1 of 4 STIs: chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and trichomoniasis. (World Health Organization)

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.