There’s no arguing that when a spouse cheats it is the ultimate betrayal of their marriage and spouse. Just ask the betrayed spouse about their betrayal by their spouse and you will quickly learn how devastating it can be.

There’s also no arguing that parental infidelity is the ultimate betrayal of children. The data is replete with research and evidence of the impact infidelity has on children. This betrayal of children leads to years and even decades of pain and hurt for the children.

So, are cheaters and the unfaithful also damaged by their betrayal? Do they carry the wounds of their betrayal, deceit, lies, and selfishness? Are they burdened by their conscience? The answer is most of the time they are deeply wounded by their infidelity and betrayal.

Some cheaters regret the affair. Some regret getting caught. Some regret the fallout of their actions. Some regret what they gave up. Some regret the person they became by cheating. The reality is it is just a matter of time for most.

Many times, the cheating spouse has simply justified their actions by making excuses for their infidelity — including blaming their spouse or family. Many spouses who cheat don’t initially seem to have any remorse for their betrayal of their spouse and children.

However, in time, many feel great sorrow for choosing the path they did and betraying their best friend and spouse. Sure, their marriage may have been difficult or they may have been struggling, but more often than not they realize that there were better options to address the problems than cheating. Many regret the effect their infidelity has had on their family. And many are very disappointed in themselves. This isn’t the way that they envisioned their marriage or their level of integrity. However, these feelings generally come after cheating or adultery has ended.

When cheaters are in an active affair they spend a lot of time and emotional energy trying to justify their infidelity and lack of integrity. This is critical to them because if they can’t justify their actions, then they can’t continue to carry them out because of guilt or conflicting feelings. So they run from whatever guilt, sorrow, or regret they might feel while being unfaithful. After the excitement of infidelity and sexual fantasy is over, that’s when they can start feeling genuine regret for their infidelity and lost integrity.

Unhappy marriages can be ended before anyone begins another relationship. When spouses selfishly cheat and are unfaithful, they eventually regret their dishonorable actions. At the end of the day, there is never any acceptable justification for cheating on a spouse or children. When all is said and done, the most damaged people are those who cheated and hurt those they loved while sacrificing their integrity on the altar of selfishness and infidelity. Cheated-on spouses and children wrestle with their betrayal while cheaters struggle with what they did and who they became.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.