Ten years ago, a popular Youtube artist, Ryan Higa, went viral with his “First World Problems” videos. In his videos, he poked fun at some of the seemingly difficult first-world problems we face today. His parodies would make millions laugh.

For nations plagued by people struggling with first-world problems, infidelity and adultery seem to be in great abundance. Money, food, and shelter are abundant. Prosperity and ease seem to spawn selfishness and self-imposed problems.

For many, a life of leisure and first-world problems leads to boredom and discontent. (Another first-world problem that too many have to silently suffer through.) In a world riddled with first-world problems, an ad promoting infidelity might sound something like this:

“Are you pained by your boredom and ease? Do you have too much money, food, clothing, shelter, and convenience? Are you overly educated and degreed? Are you too healthy? Do you need to escape your excruciating first-world problems? Do you need some real excitement and problems? We feel your pain. You’re bored, deserve more sex, need someone who understands you, and want to be free from the pain of your perpetual personal prosperity! Sometimes life can be hell! We feel your pain and suffering. It’s time you consider joining the infidelity club!”

While this ad might seem to be a bit over the top, it illustrates the self-indulgent thoughts of those who create their own problems in the midst of abundance and ease. Yes, one of the many painful realities of first-world problems is the grim realization that enough really isn’t enough. Abundance isn’t abundant enough. Ease isn’t easy enough.

If the above describes your painful life or that of a loved one — take heart! We’ve researched infidelity to help you or your loved one with the difficult journey of determining if infidelity is right for you or not.

How Do I Know if Infidelity is Right Me?

Studies and research vary of course but some research studies suggest that 30 to 60% of all married individuals in the U.S. will engage in infidelity at some point during their marriage. According to the American Psychological Association (APA), infidelity in the United States accounted for 20–40 percent of divorces. Some research suggests that upwards of 70% of divorces are caused by infidelity. Due to the secretive nature of infidelity, it is impossible to find the exact figures about cheating, extra-marital affairs, or their divorce relationship. In most cases, infidelity never gets discovered so the percentage is most likely much higher.

When Can I Start Cheating?

In a study at the University of Denver, which was published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers had 484 people (68 percent of whom were women) answer questions about at least two different romantic relationships. Of the participants, 44 percent reported having sex with someone outside of their current relationship during their study.

People who had cheated before were much more prone to unfaithfulness. A lot more. Those who cheated in their first relationship were three times more likely to cheat again.

Interestingly enough, the study finding is also backed up by past research. A 2016 study found that among people who had cheated in former relationships, 30 percent cheated on their current partners. That’s compared to only 13 percent of those who had never been unfaithful at all.

You Know, I Could Use a Second Marriage!

According to Dr. Frank Pittman, author of Private Lies: Infidelity and the Betrayal of Intimacy and Elizabeth Landers, a second marriage that begins with infidelity will likely fail within two years. A second marriage that begins with infidelity probably will be heading to divorce within two years, according to Elizabeth Landers, who writes about marriage and family. Of course, there are no guarantees second marriages that begin as affairs will fail but the available research and data strongly support such outcomes.

While fewer than 25 percent of adulterers leave a marriage for an affair partner, according to one source, most of those relationships are statistically extremely unlikely to endure. When factoring in several sources of research, only 1–3% achieve stability and happiness.

I’m Going to Impress My Children With My Infidelity

More often than not, infidelity causes children to question everything that they thought was real or true about their family. This can bring on depression and anxiety. “Infidelity can have a detrimental psychological effect on kids and lead to a dysfunctional family, which can then disrupt their life and hamper their potential,” Tatyana Dyachenko, a sexual and relationship therapist stated.

Experts say children who learn about parental infidelity react similarly to children whose parents divorce, except the emotional responses to cheating are more profound and can have greater, longer-lasting impacts.

“(Infidelity) violates everything they know about their parents as people,” said Don-David Lusterman, a marriage and family clinical psychologist and author. “(Their parents) have told them to be good, tell the truth…and suddenly they discover that their parent is doing something way out of the promises they know that their mom and dad have made to each other.”

The long-term effects of parental infidelity can run much deeper than future relationship behavior (i.e., cheating or not cheating). According to clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, author of Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful, growing up in a family with infidelity has a lasting impact on children in terms of how they view their romantic relationships and their ability to trust future partners.

Nogales’ research found that 75% of children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parent, 80% say that infidelity shapes their outlook on romance and relationships, and 70% describe infidelity as affecting their general trust in others.

It’s a Tough Choice!

While conclusive research and studies still seem sparse on the correlation between adultery and its overall impact on existing marriages, divorce, and affairs that lead to marriage, the available research suggests mostly heartache will follow parental infidelity.

Additionally, the probability of an affair ending in marriage is very, very low. (In contrast, the likelihood of infidelity leading to divorce and unhappiness is dramatically higher.) How likely will an affair end in marriage? Only between three and five percent end in marriage and many join the 75 percent of second marriages that fail, a rate half again as high as first marriages. While fewer than 25 percent of adulterers leave a marriage for an affair partner, according to one source, most of those relationships are statistically unlikely to endure. This research suggests that only 1% (others suggest it is as high as 3%) achieve stability and happiness. This is a grim statistic, to say the least, especially when many negatively impact children and close family members. No matter which stats are used, the statistics for adulterers hoping their affairs will last forever aren’t good. Essentially, about 1–3% of affairs will end up intact and happily married.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! There is hope if you are a spouse who has betrayed your marriage’s trust, love, and fidelity! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy and groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you want to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.