There is a growing trend amongst cheaters and adulterers to assume the mantle of nobility in staying in their marriage while cheating. They believe their marriage to be loveless, sexless, and hopeless so they justify having an affair. Many claim they don’t want to break up their family so they nobly ‘endure’ their ‘loveless’ marriage through an affair or two.

We’ve seen such arguments that suggest staying in their marriage is an act of ‘nobility’ and is only possible because they chose infidelity as their coping mechanism. Some of their arguments and justification for their infidelity:

“My marriage was over but I stayed in it for my children. My affair helped me stay in a bad marriage.”

“I finally felt beautiful and respected again through my affair.”

“My loveless and sexless marriage made me depressed. I found love and sex again in my affair.”

“My affair gave me the strength to endure a bad marriage.”

No matter the excuse or justification for their infidelity, there is no nobility in infidelity. There is extensive research and studies showing that infidelity is more detrimental to self and family than divorce is.

When a parent is unfaithful, it can make children wonder what’s real — and what’s not. “When a parent is unfaithful, it can cause a child to question the stability they felt at home,” Dr. Cassandra LeClair, Ph.D., a relationship expert and author of “Being Whole: Healing from Trauma and Reclaiming My Voice” stated.

When parents engage in affairs, children may feel unsure about who to trust, and more importantly, who to show their love towards. “They may feel a sense of betrayal and confusion about loyalty,” says Dr. LeClair. “If they have been taught to be honest and care about others’ feelings, they may question why their role models did not have to follow the same rules.” So when parents think, ‘My infidelity or adultery doesn’t involve my children. It has nothing to do with my children,’ they’re lying to themselves.

The long-term effects of parental infidelity can run much deeper than future relationship behavior. According to clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, author of Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults Are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful, growing up in a family with infidelity has a lasting impact on children in terms of how they view their romantic relationships and their ability to trust future partners.

Nogales’ research found that 75% of children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parent, 80% say that infidelity shapes their outlook on romance and relationships, and 70% describe infidelity as affecting their general trust in others.

What happens when children affected by parental infidelity grow up and move on? Do they take the wounds of infidelity with them? If so, how does this impact their relationships and marriages? Unfortunately, they do. Studies show that children from cheating homes are twice as likely to be unfaithful. In the study, “Family Background and Propensity to Engage in Infidelity,” children of parents who cheated were more likely to cheat as adults, too.

Of children affected by infidelity, Dr. Frank Pittman stated that the children who have grown up the strongest are those who had the chance to “deal with parental infidelity openly, as an error or a character flaw, rather than normal activity or an appropriate solution to a marital problem.”

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who have been negatively impacted by adultery, affairs, and infidelity. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.