Love affairs are addictive for most cheaters. Affairs act like alcohol or drugs in how they elicit “good feelings” in the cheater of being in love. The “in love” feeling gives the cheater a chemical high. An adrenaline kick.

Adrenaline, also known as epinephrine, is a hormone and medication that is involved in regulating visceral functions (e.g., respiration). It is both a neurotransmitter and a hormone.

The adrenal (suprarenal) glands are located at the top of both kidneys. They produce hormones that regulate the immune system, blood pressure, metabolism, and stress response.

According to Amen Clinics, “Mother Nature formulated a very powerful concoction when she created the potion of chemicals involved with infatuation. Romantic love and infatuation are not so much an emotion as they are motivational drives. They are part of the brain’s reward system. These feelings intensify to compel lovers to seek mating partners.”

“The chemicals that stimulate the motivation and drive system in the brain are the neurotransmitters epinephrine, dopamine, serotonin, and phenylethylamine (PEA).”

The Amen Clinics goes on to note:

• Epinephrine causes an adrenaline rush that makes your heart beat faster, your blood pressure rise and your breathing quickens.
• Dopamine is associated with pleasure, motivation, and concentration. It has been shown to work in the reward centers of the brain. High levels of dopamine are associated with attraction and feeling sexy.
• Serotonin is known as the feel-good neurotransmitter, and it drops dramatically during periods of new love. This is linked to the obsessiveness people tend to feel when they can’t stop thinking about their new partner.
• PEA is an adrenaline-like substance that speeds up the flow of information between nerve cells and is triggered in the process of attraction to help us pay attention to ‘love’ feelings. PEA is known as the “love molecule” because it is what initiates the flood of chemicals into the brain along with norepinephrine and dopamine to create feelings of euphoria and infatuation when we are highly attracted to someone.

The New Love of Affairs

Falling in love and being infatuated with someone can be a very exciting experience but eventually, the infatuation and blissful state fade. Based on neuroscientists and research, after a period of anywhere from six months to 2 years, the production of stimulating chemicals and levels of neurotransmitters like PEA start to decline to avoid mental and physical exhaustion.

Ironically enough, many couples therapists credit unnecessary divorces, and relationship breakups during this time. Unfortunately, people mistake the loss of intensity and euphoria as a state of falling out of love.

The Amen Clinics goes on to note, “For some people, the withdrawal from the chemicals of infatuation can drive them to look for other sex partners to try to re-create that high. This is similar to the process seen in substance abuse. In some individuals, the need to feel that rush of new love keeps them seeking out extramarital affairs.”

“Problems in the brain’s self-control network can also lead a person to cheat on their significant other. The self-control circuit is a sort of balancing act between brain regions (deep limbic system) that motivate you to seek out pleasurable activities and other regions (prefrontal cortex) that make you think twice before engaging in risky behavior, such as extramarital affairs.”

“When the self-control circuit is balanced, it gives you adequate impulse control to stop you from having an affair with a coworker or with your significant other’s best friend. However, when the prefrontal cortex (PFC) is low in activity, it can create an imbalance that causes you to give in to your impulsive desires without thinking about the consequences.”

“Brain imaging studies show that people with low activity in the PFC are more likely to get divorced. Low activity in the PFC is a hallmark of ADD/ADHD, and a survey found that 39% of men and 40% of women with this condition had at least one physical affair — much higher numbers than in the general population.”

Enter the Test of Testosterone

It’s believed that neurohormone testosterone may also contribute to a man seeking a sexual partner outside marriage or a committed romantic relationship. In a 2019 study, the findings suggest men with high testosterone levels were more likely to have extramarital affairs than men with lower levels.

Testosterone plays a part in mood, motivation, and sexuality. High testosterone levels are associated with lower empathy and a high sex drive. This might explain why so many seek an affair, get divorced, lose half their net worth, and accept visiting their children every other weekend.

Amen Clinics goes on to note, “Brain imaging studies have found that the brains of men who are monogamous differ from those of men who cheat. A 2017 study found that when men looked at romantic images — couples holding hands or gazing into each other’s eyes, for example — brain activation differed between the faithful and unfaithful ones. The research indicated that monogamous men showed more reward-related neural activity when viewing romantic pictures compared to non-monogamous men.”

Within our brain — or the gray matter in our head exists subcortical neural structures that make us feel good. These structures release dopamine, regulate emotions, and blast our brains with endorphins. When we experience the “self-satisfaction” associated with cheating and betraying our spouse or romantic partner, those neural structures release dopamine.

That positive dopamine-release sensation creates a connection in our brain: Cheat on a spouse, feel good. The “feel good” feeling is like the high that follows the use of drugs. However, the side effects of infidelity have a much broader blast radius impact than drug use typically does. When you cheat, from a neurobiological level, it looks the same as drug addiction. Our frontal cortex is the system of morality of anticipating consequences. The subcortical parts, or pleasure centers, have people behaving impulsively, and cheating, regardless of consequences.

Key Takeaways

Unfortunately, infidelity and cheating carry with them devastating consequences for the cheater, cheated on spouse or partner, and the children of the couple. If you want to stay in a committed marriage or relationship, it’s important to improve your overall brain health, strengthen your PFC (think lots of physical exercises, green tea, and Rhodiola), and optimize your hormone levels. It could help you and your spouse or partner stay faithful to each other.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.