(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

We are all familiar with many of the world religions. Especially, Christianity. I count myself among the general Christian faith. Oddly enough, my divorce experience was a “religious experience” and, due in part, to a “Religious Man”.

A few years ago, my wife initiated an affair with a “religious married man”. Her “religious man” was fairly prominent in his church and community. He had held positions of authority and leadership in his church.

At the time, my wife was going through her midlife crisis and was struggling with her own identity, aging body, lost opportunities, religious beliefs, and entering into our empty nesting stage. She wanted someone to rescue her from what she believed to be her “average life” and provide her with some “prestige” and “stability” that our “normal” life didn’t provide her with.

While my wife and her married “religious man” started meeting privately, she said it was only to discuss books, philosophy, and shared interests. She said she never expected it to turn into an affair and adultery. She seemed stunned that anyone would think she intended to start an affair through her secret meetups with her “religious man”. It was all quite innocent of course.

Her married “religious man” on the other hand, played his “religious man” role well. He told her as their affair became more and more sexual that they needed to set “limits” and “boundaries” to their affair or it wouldn’t last. So, they both set the boundary that while making love with their spouses they would refrain from kissing their spouses. Kissing was reserved for their adultery and sexual infidelity and not to be extended to their spouses. (A somewhat logical boundary for adulterers to set when cheating on their spouses?)

After the revelation of my wife’s affair, I recall asking my wife about her “kissing boundary” and her surprising response was, “I struggled to rectify kissing you and (adultery partner name withheld).” It struck me as quite odd that she would struggle with the kissing part of her adultery but not the sex she was having with both of us. (I would have preferred not having sex with her or kissing had I known of her adultery but she intentionally kept that secret from me.)

Strange enough, my wife and her married lover continued to attend church while having their affair. When they had time between their sex they studied religious texts and scriptures together as part of their adultery activities. Their affair was a “religious affair” that eventually led to two divorces dividing two intact families and forcing the combining of two infidelity-damaged families together. Setting my betrayed spousal trauma aside, our children have been irreversibly hurt by my wife and her married “religious” adultery partner’s affair. (My children’s trauma has been the most painful part of this chapter in my life.)

As I now reflect on the irony of this experience, I am reminded of a song called “Religious Man” in a popular comedy movie, Nacho Libre. The song adequately summarizes my wife’s adultery partner’s view of himself, his religion, and God. The last half of the song’s lyrics go like this:

“I am, I am

I am, I am

I pray I am,

I feel I am

Oh Lord I am

God knows I am

A real religious man”

“I am, I am

I am, I am

I pray I am

I feel I am,

Oh Lord I am

God knows I am

A real religious man

A real religious man

A real religious man”

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

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The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.