(The following article is a contributed article.)

Decades ago my father had an extramarital affair that ended my parent’s 30-year marriage. My father wasn’t a great father or husband but it still shocked our whole family. My father was a devoutly religious man but had never applied his faith, the principles it taught, or total fidelity to his wife or children.

The revelation of my father’s affair took place while all but one of my siblings were married. The news of my father’s infidelity reverberated throughout our families then and even decades later.

At the time, my wife and I discussed how selfish and damaging my father’s adultery was to the family and how affairs by her close family members had also hurt her family growing up. We often discussed its impact and how we needed to protect our children from it as much as we could. We swore we would never subject our children to such trauma and pain.

For decades, we attended church and were devout in our faith. We kept our marriage vows. We wore our wedding bands and remained faithful to each other. Then one day it all ended.

Some 20-plus years into our marriage, my wife decided the damage infidelity and adultery caused children wasn’t that bad after all. It was fine from her perspective. It was fine for not only our children but also for her married adultery partner’s children and spouse.

Years after my wife’s affair and the divorces that followed, our family remains somewhat dysfunctional and damaged. The divorced and infidelity-traumatized version of our family is getting better with time, effort, and forgiveness but it still bears the scars of infidelity.

Infidelity, cheating, adultery, betrayal, and lying. They can all just seem like words but they are far more than mere words. Behind each word are deep meanings, pain, suffering, sadness, shame, and fear. Behind each word is an innocent victim of the selfish perpetrator who was unfaithful and violated their vows, promises, and commitments. The saddest part is that, more often than not, children are the most hurt and impacted by parental infidelity. Unfortunately, parents choose to hurt their children in such a way. How hollow and shallow can parents be to act so selfishly and without remorse towards their children?

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.