There is an interesting movement underway. A movement that is concerning and somewhat shocking — albeit not too surprising. The movement: Betrayer or cheater justification.

We have read several articles that attempt to articulate an argument that too much sympathy is directed to betrayed spouses and partners while not enough sympathy and attention is spent on the marriage cheater or betrayer. Their arguments vary but the gist of many of the arguments is that cheaters must “think about themselves” and that they are “people” too. Of course, cheaters are people too. It’s an obvious and yet moronic idea to suggest otherwise. We have yet to hear any claim that cheaters, adulterers, and betrayers are not people too.

This seemingly new argument is that cheaters are misunderstood and not supported or understood like their victims. They are in essence misunderstood victims. Despite the fact they are the perpetrators and destroyers of trust and marriages through their deceit and infidelity, they are victims who are denied their just respect and sympathy for being adulterers and cheaters.

Given this rise in this new form of justification — or rise in positioning cheaters as victims, we decided to create a marriage preamble and list of rights and responsibilities of the cheated-on or betrayed spouses and partners. When couples marry, they assume certain rights, privileges, and responsibilities in their committed marriage.

Marriage: Preamble

While considering this movement, we decided to take a stab at creating a basic marriage preamble:

“We the People who are committed to marriage, in Order to form a more perfect Marital Union, establish Justice, insure marital Tranquility, provide for the common defense of marriage, promote the general Welfare of marital union, and secure the Blessings of Marital Fidelity to ourselves and our Posterity, do ordain and establish this Marital Constitution for all who enter into and honor marriage and spouse.”

The following are the basic “Bill of Rights for Marriage”:

Right #1 — Right to Fidelity

As a spouse, you have the right to be honored and protected by your spouse. Marriage is intended to be a committed union of souls filled with love, commitment, integrity, respect, and honor. You have the right to spousal fidelity to your marriage and you.

Betrayal clause: When betrayed, you can be hurt. You do not need to be embarrassed or ashamed about being violated, hurt, and betrayed by your spouse. You were betrayed and deceived by your spouse who you had the right and reasonable expectation to trust. Your spouse’s breach and violation of marriage covenants and vows is independent of you and doesn’t reflect on who you are and your worthiness to be honored, adored, respected, and protected.

Right #2—Protection

As a spouse, you have the right to protection from an abusive spouse. Abuse in the form of mental and physical abuse is a violation of your security and protection. Such rights extend to being protected from physical abuse, the transmission of sexual diseases and infections, and mental abuse.

Betrayal clause: When betrayed, you have the right to protect yourself from continued attacks and violations of your trust and safety. Abuse isn’t acceptable.

Right #3 — Reparation and Restitution

You have the right to seek restitution, reparation, and divorce as needed following betrayal. Your betraying spouse has desecrated the sanctity of your marriage and marriage vows. Such desecration of marriage and trust requires reparation and restitution to repair the marriage or to end it.

Betrayal clause: If betrayed, you should reasonably be willing to work with your betraying spouse on reconciliation but you are not obligated to do so. It may take time but you should work towards forgiving your betraying spouse. It will be hard but also necessary to move on positively in your marriage or divorce.

Key Takeaways

There are of course many things that could be added as additional rights, privileges, and responsibilities for marriage and those betrayed in marriage. The above is simply a basic outline of core rights and is not meant to be an exhaustive list or endeavor.

Marriage is a sacred union and sacrifice of two individuals becoming one. Infidelity, adultery, and affairs are all destructive forces that violate the sanctity of marriage and trust.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.