(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

A few years ago, I hired an attorney and private investigator to follow my wife and her married affair partner to help document their year-long affair and adultery. Admittedly, I didn’t know much about how private investigators worked aside from what I had seen in movies and television shows. As is typically the case, most movies and television shows misrepresented what private investigators can actually do but I soon learned what they can do is sufficient.

While I was able to afford to employ a private investigator, it took some time to work out the financing, process, and reporting. One day, I recall having a call with the lead private investigator. During our call, he mentioned that they had “staked out” surveillance of my wife and her married lover overnight.

They recorded what they could through video surveillance and other technological means. Being new to the whole “betrayed spouse” experience, I asked many questions. My private investigator then informed me that they also recorded my wife’s “walk of shame” to which I asked, “What is the walk of shame?” He paused for a moment, and then responded with a bit more sensitivity, “The walk of shame is when a cheating spouse returns to their car or home from their adultery activities.” I realized that for him it was a common occurrence to document and witness such betrayal and cheating but it was my first time thinking about it. My wife had been documented in her “walk of shame”.

Over the next few weeks, my private investigator and his team gathered photos, videos, and other forms of surveillance for my divorce case against my wife. On many occasions, they documented my wife parking her car at Target, Walmart, shopping malls, parks, car washes, police stations, etc. where her married lover would pick her up and take her somewhere like his place, hotel, etc. to have sex. This was generally for short stints typically lasting only a few hours.

For their overnight stays, she would sneak out of our house at night and walk a few blocks so her married lover could pick her up and take her home for an all-nighter. Whether it was an overnight romp or short sex-fest meet-up during the day, her married lover’s modus operandi was to meet her at a “secret pickup” location a few blocks from our home or where she parked her car and then return her a few blocks from our home or her car so their activities wouldn’t be “suspicious”.

They were well versed in the “cloak and dagger” of adultery. In fact, her lover seemed too versed in the process which led us to believe this wasn’t his first affair. Needless to say, my private investigator was able to document most of their secret rendezvous.

As a husband and a father, viewing the photos and videos of my wife and the mother of my children regularly walking the “walk of shame” (as the private investigators call it), I couldn’t help but feel like a part of me died every time she did it. My wife, a once faithful and virtuous woman — the mother of our children was dishonoring our family, herself, and her married lover’s spouse and children.

No matter how people spin affairs and adultery, it is a disgusting and vile act of betrayal, deceit, and lies. Spouses are supposed to be faithful, committed, loving, trustworthy, and act with integrity. They are supposed to have your back, not cheat behind it.

The aftermath of my wife’s infidelity is incalculable. Time has passed since her affair and our divorce but the pain, suffering, and damage are still rippling through both of our families. Even though their affair caused two divorces, the divorces didn’t “divorce” me or my children from the pain and constant reminder of my ex-wife and her (now formerly) married adultery partner’s infidelity and adultery.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who have been negatively impacted by adultery, affairs, and infidelity. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.