(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

More often than not mothers-in-law are the butt of a joke. They are made fun of for various reasons and are often easy targets for criticism. While my experience with my former mother-in-law was not perfect, I have a lot of respect for her as I look back.

A few years ago, my mother-in-law found out her daughter, my wife at the time, was having an affair with a married man. It was at this time I witnessed just how strong and courageous my mother-in-law was. I also learned how wise she was in how she handled the news and aftermath of her daughter’s affair and infidelity.

My wife and mother-in-law were very close. The only exception was when my wife started her affair where she intentionally kept her distance from her mom. My wife started to avoid her mom after she started her affair because she knew her mom would not approve of her affair. Her mom had seen the destruction that affairs caused her family and would never approve of or sanction such selfish and misguided behavior.

Rather than just accepting her daughter’s excuses for her affair or tolerating her daughter’s newfound disrespect towards her, she remained firm in fighting for her grandchildren. She stood up to her daughter and didn’t give in to her daughter’s attempts to manipulate her or blame her for her decisions or adultery. My mother-in-law held her ground and did what she could to protect her grandchildren from the fallout of her daughter’s affair.

One morning shortly after my wife’s affair became public, I asked my mother-in-law to come over to help calm my wife down. My wife had come home late the night before from being with her married adultery partner and an argument ensued where my wife lost her temper and attacked me. She seemed unable to self-regulate and control her temper so I asked her mom to come over to see if she could help calm her down.

My mother-in-law came over and after some time helped my wife calm down enough to sit down and have a conversation with us. My mother-in-law then proceeded to counsel her daughter on the importance of being a mother and woman her children would respect. She then counseled her on being a wife and how her midlife crisis and decisions had led her down a difficult, life-damaging, and life-altering path for herself, her children, and her husband.

At the end of the discussion, her daughter was in complete denial and rejected everything she had said. My mother-in-law ended the difficult and oftentimes confrontational conversation with what many would argue years later to be prophetic. She told her daughter, “You have given up on your marriage and family for an affair with a dishonorable and selfish married man. You are not only destroying your marriage and family but also his marriage and family. You will regret your misguided actions for the rest of your life. You will do everything possible to make your affair end in a marriage but even if you are successful in doing so it won’t last. I give you five to seven years before you realize the irreparable damage you have done and the regret you will have to live with.”

It has only been a few years since my mother-in-law had this conversation with her daughter but her words have already started to prove prophetic. Time will tell if her words prove completely correct or not. Either way, my ex-wife now navigates the difficulty of being the mistress who destroyed two marriages and families. Our children and her adultery partner’s children have been impacted by their infidelity.

Our children no longer believe that marriage is a committed relationship and that they will find someone who will honor them or remain committed and faithful to them. I can only imagine the trauma this may cause in their future relationships and marriages. For now, our children are still struggling with rectifying how they feel being co-parented by their altered mother and (her former adultery partner) stepfather.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

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The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.