Most parents won’t accept when their children misbehave or act out without seeking to correct such behavior. Why? Such behavior is not proper or socially accepted.

When children grow up they need to understand how to behave and act following proper social norms. These social norms and behaviors come in the form of dos and don’ts. Don’t cheat, lie, hurt, or harm others. Don’t bully, use, or abuse people. Be kind, friendly, patient, and understanding. Help others. Give to those who need help.

There are more of course but these are a small representation of what parents are expected to teach their children before they grow up and enter the real world.

When Parents Are Negligent

So what happens when parents don’t teach their children? What happens when parents act like spoiled and undisciplined children? What happens when parents lie, cheat, deceive, and hurt others? What happens when they go against the lessons they taught their children? Well, this is generally where there is hell to be paid.

When parents lie to, cheat, deceive, and betray their spouse or children, they undermine everything they have or should have taught their children to avoid. They have violated the trust their spouse and children have in them. Such a violation can come in the form of parental infidelity but can also come through other inappropriate behavior and actions.

Like most close relationships, trust is needed. Friendships, romantic relationships, and marriage cannot survive long when trust and honor are absent. Whether formally acknowledged or not, there is an agreement in place in friendships, romantic relationships, and marriage to be trustworthy, honorable, and to act with integrity. When they are absent so is the foundation to weather the storms that come in time. While life can be gratifying it also brings terrible storms and difficulties from time to time.

Parents are not perfect and will have their moments of fallibility. Children will come to understand such things but when parents deny or place blame for their actions elsewhere they begin to act more like spoiled children than mature adults. They act immaturely, selfishly, and neglectfully. They teach their children that they are exempt from what they expect of their children. They teach by setting a bad example rather than emulating by living the standards they taught their children.

Parents who excuse their infidelity are teaching their children that they are exempt from needing to live the principles they taught their children. This equates to hypocrisy and confusion. Parental infidelity represents a great challenge to the cheated-on spouse and children. Infidelity is one of the most egregious acts against spouses and children. Children are impacted for a lifetime by their parents’ infidelity. The data is steep on the damage and trauma infidelity causes their cheated on parents and themselves.

Long-Term Effects of Parental Infidelity on Children

What happens when the children of cheating parents grow up? Do they carry the wounds of infidelity with them? How does their parent’s infidelity impact their own relationships and marriages? Do they resent their cheating parent for cheating and breaking up their family?

The long-term effects of infidelity go deeper than future relationship behavior. According to clinical psychologist Ana Nogales, author of Parents Who Cheat: How Children and Adults are Affected When Their Parents Are Unfaithful, growing up in a family with infidelity has a lasting impact on children in terms of how they view their romantic relationships and their ability to trust future partners.

Nogales’ research found that 75% of children experience lingering feelings of betrayal toward their cheating parent, 80% say that the infidelity shapes their outlook on romance and relationships, and 70% describe the infidelity as affecting their general trust in others.

These are sobering statistics, but it’s important to keep in mind that, while the hurt and pain are real, there are things adults can do to heal and mitigate the negative impact on children. Simply being mindful of these issues and connecting them to your feelings about a parent’s infidelity is the first step. Therapy is a good way to work through these feelings and learn how to build more emotionally stable and trusting relationships.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.