(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

The week following the revelation of my wife’s affair still haunts me and our children. Although a few years have passed since that day and a lot of healing has taken place the scars remain. While it’s impossible to adequately share or even summarize the events of that week, I can share the following to help provide some context on how the first week went following the revelation of her affair.

Day Zero — Revelation of Her Affair

On a Tuesday in May, I learned of my wife’s affair with a married man. This day will forever be etched in my mind as the “ground zero” of the impact and the week that immediately followed was the “blast radius” effect.

That night we told our children that we were getting a divorce. My wife explained to our children that she was going to marry her currently married adultery partner following his divorce. (A few days later, he broke things off with my wife to salvage his marriage.) I moved out of our master bedroom into a spare room in our home.

Day 1 — Wednesday

My wife went out with her adultery partner. She showed up late to our family council meeting where we planned on laying out a plan for a civilized divorce so our children would not be impacted any more than they already were. My wife was already full board in her now public affair. During our family council, she told our children that her adultery partner was a great man and their marriage would be beautiful. Our council meeting derailed as our children’s emotions were aggravated by their mother’s indifference to them and me.

Day 2 — Thursday

My wife went out with her affair partner. She then went to meet with our religious leader to “confess” her adultery. Her confession was actually an excuse. She was only dating before the divorce. As expected, she denied her sexual infidelity with her adultery partner when she met with our religious leader. (Her affair partner did the same with his wife, children, and religious leader.) My wife then came home and explained how her meeting went to our youngest child and me. She was in a celebratory mood. She dodged a bullet in regard to any moral accountability — or so she thought.

Day 3 — Friday

My wife began openly having her calls with her adultery partner in our master bedroom and home. While on one of her calls with him, she asked if I had put any recording devices in my car. Her adultery partner was concerned that their adultery was caught in recordings. While I was still in shock from the revelation of her repeated affair, I started looking for a divorce attorney and private investigator. My wife continued her daily hookups and meetings with her adultery partner. In the process, she was neglecting our children and unabashedly pursuing her affair at the expense of our family.

Day 4— Saturday

My wife continued her meetups with her affair partner.

Day 5— Sunday

We went to church as a family. My wife had me sit in the back of the car on the way to church since she was no longer needing to hide her affair. Later that evening, my wife left to meet up with her lover in the mountains. Nearly seven hours later she returned home from her rendevous mountain adventure. Our youngest was traumatized. I let my wife know that I had logged into our family Facebook account and found her plans to meet in the mountains with her lover. She denied it initially and then finally admitted she was with him but only to plan their future together. A few hours later she came to my room and attacked me to get my phone. (She knew I had gathered evidence on my phone of her Facebook communications with her lover that detailed their affair.)

Day 6 — Monday

I connected with my attorney to get the ball rolling on my divorce.

First Week Summary & Lessons Learned

To put it bluntly, the first week was pure hell. This article includes only a part of the hell that we lived in the first week following the revelation of my wife’s adultery.

The first week is when the hellish nightmare became real. It was only midway through the week when I realized I had been dragged into her and her lover’s war against our families.

Key Takeaways

Time heals but scars remain. Forgiveness takes time — especially when a betraying spouse is vindictive and malicious. Regardless, time can heal and forgiveness can be given. I no longer bear the full weight and anger I felt when I learned of my wife’s infidelity. My children have also learned to move on and forgive. Only the betrayed can truly understand the pain and impact of a spouse’s infidelity and betrayal.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.