(The following article is a contributed article obtained through a series of interviews.)

As I look back, there is some irony in a few of my candid conversations with my now ex-wife about her affair and adultery. Not the irony that causes one to smile or laugh but the irony that leaves your stomach sick and twisted. Painful irony. Traumatic irony. Life-changing irony.

About a month after I learned of my wife’s affair, her affair partner and lover had called off their affair. He had done so a few times previously but my wife had won him back from his wife through the magical arts of infidelity and uncommitted sex. She had appealed to his base desires and his lack of integrity. Every time he tried to exit their affair she enticed him back.

In one of my conversations with her, she noted that her married lover talked to her about his vivid dreams from time to time. (He kept an active journal of his dreams and sexual fantasies.) One day when they were having their secret affair moments, he mentioned to her that he had had a dream about her. In his dream, he had a vivid recollection of one of their conversations where he said, “You are pretty but there are prettier women out there.”

When she told me what he said, I looked at her face to see what she thought about it. It was as if she had confessed a deep dark secret with great shame. It only lasted a few seconds before she fully recovered from her momentary lapse of sharing her pain. She then said, “It’s true. I am not the prettiest woman.” I then responded, “It isn’t true as far as I am concerned. He should think that you are the most beautiful woman in the world.” She looked at me as if she was shocked and then her eyes seemed to fade and look off and away. It was obvious that she was deeply hurt by his assessment of her beauty. She finally said, “He later apologized and said he didn’t want me to be offended by his dream or how he felt.”

That discussion is indelibly branded in my mind. Why would any woman, my wife or otherwise, be attracted to someone who didn’t think they were the most beautiful person in the world? Why would someone give up being the most beautiful person in the world to their spouse to just be “pretty” but not “prettier than others” in someone else’s mind? It didn’t make sense. Sure, my wife wasn’t the most beautiful woman in the world any more than I was the most handsome man in the world but wasn’t it the belief or perception that mattered rather than the fact that many could argue there were better-looking people in the world? Wouldn’t there always be better-looking people in the world? Age and baby birthing body implications aside, shouldn’t a man believe his wife, or partner, was the most beautiful person in the world?

I may never understand why my wife ran into the arms and bed of a man who didn’t love her enough to not have an affair with her. A man who chose infidelity and the betrayal of his wife, children, and my family. She chose the excitement of an affair over her husband and children. She chose a man who didn’t love her enough to value her reputation, virtue, or mental health. She chose a man who was unfaithful and who didn’t even think she was “prettier than other women” out there.

This is where the irony of this wretched sad story baffles the sane mind. (It caused her great mental anguish and required years of professional therapy to work through her infidelity.) Why would someone want to be a second choice or “good enough” for now option?

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

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The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.