(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

While my wife and I were going through a short period of “reconciliation” following the revelation of her affair, we talked about her married lover and her sexual affair. It wasn’t easy to listen to my wife discuss her sexual affair as if we were “best friends” but that is how it felt. She seemed disconnected from reality and any guilt for her affair.

Her lover had dumped her a few weeks after their affair became public and she was still reeling from being abandoned by her married lover. He had tried to let her down easily by telling her his wife was not feeling well mentally and that his children were also struggling. While dumping my wife, his now unneeded mistress, he asked her, “Do you think your husband will take you back?” My wife responded to him, “I am not sure.” (This conversation was followed by them having sex.) When she recounted this to me, I realized how lost and unfortunately ignorant she had become. I thought I was willing to take her back but the broken and abandoned version of her that was left following her affair was disconcerting.

What she failed to see was she had given up her personal integrity, honor, and self-confidence for a man who had only been using her for sex and entertainment. She was so desperate to run away from her marriage, children, and life that she had no “Plan B” for an affair that had all odds against it working beyond the sex stage. Her married adultery partner who was supposed to be her “rescuer” and “savior” from a normal married life, husband, and children had abandoned her. Her reputation was tainted and her self-esteem esteem gone.

She was naive about her reality and affair. She freely had a sexual and intimate relationship with her married affair partner knowing he was still being intimate and having sex with his wife and had no concrete plans to divorce his wife. Her married lover only gave excuses to her for continuing his affair rather than divorcing his wife and proving to my wife that he wanted more from her than a sexual affair.

She simply didn’t recognize how she had been played by a man who enjoyed the thrill of his extramarital affair while enjoying the benefits of married life to a committed and faithful wife. Even when he dumped my wife she didn’t see how misguided and deceived she was in his betrayal because he told her he loved her in the breakup dialogue.

The most interesting part of this is how she could accept her adultery partner dumping her and then expect her to work out their affair with me. He essentially dumped her and said, “Now that I had my fun and sex with you, I am going back to my wife and children. Good luck in trying to work things out with your husband.” He was a selfish, sex-crazed married man who cheated on his wife with my wife who was his foolish mistress. Her married lover abandoned her as soon as he could and left her desperate and rejected.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.