We’ve all heard a saying similar to this, “He made an honest woman out of her.” It’s a very odd saying to be sure. However, when you look into it a bit deeper, it does reveal a very important but subtle lesson. The meaning of, “He made an honest woman out of her.” is to marry a woman (especially a woman one has already had sex with).

This phrase is also used for men as well but is more commonly used for women. Ironically, it is a saying that suggests that marrying a woman you have been having sex with makes her “honest” in the end. However, when referring to a married man who is having sex with a woman other than his wife, suggesting that simply marrying his mistress makes her “honest” (and by extension, himself honest) is an interesting lens to view infidelity.

In cases where both the man (misteress) and the woman (mistress) are married to other people but engage in infidelity with each other, divorcing their spouses and then eventually marrying each other doesn’t necessarily make them “honest”. The act of infidelity is purely dishonest, deceitful, and disingenuous.

Infidelity, by definition, is a violation of a couple’s emotional and/or sexual exclusivity that commonly results in feelings of anger, sexual jealousy, and rivalry. The act of violating a marriage contract or covenant of emotional and sexual exclusivity means there is a violator and someone who is violated by the violator. Those who violate their marriage covenant are violating their spouse’s commitment to their exclusivity contract.

This is where the phrase, “He made an honest woman out of her.” breaks down. When married spouses cheat on their spouses, they violate the trust and fidelity their spouses have in them and for their marriages and children. Infidelity represents the ultimate breach of faith, honor, integrity, and trust in marriage and family.

As an example, married spouses who betray their spouses through infidelity intentionally deceive, lie to, and cheat their spouses and children. They share their hearts and bodies with others they are not married to and to whom they don’t have a formal commitment. They risk contracting sexual diseases or infections through their infidelity and transmitting them to their spouses without their spouse’s knowledge of the risk.

The betrayal act of infidelity is inherently selfish and deceitful. Besides the emotional toll betrayal and infidelity can have, they can also be physically harmful or life-threatening through the transmission of STDs and STIs.

So, how does one engage in an act like infidelity that is inherently dishonest, deceitful, and disingenuous hurting their spouse and children, divorce them, marry their adultery partner, and then somehow have the act of marriage which is based on infidelity endow them with a state of being “honest”? They disregarded and disrespected the institution of marriage to their spouse through their infidelity and then later used the same institution of marriage to legitimize their act of infidelity and betrayal.

While many may argue that marrying a former affair partner does in fact legitimize their infidelity, such an argument fails the basic litmus test of honesty and logic. You do not build your argument for making yourself “honest” by being dishonest in the pursuit of honesty. Furthermore, how does a relationship built on a foundation of marital and spousal betrayal ever progress beyond its roots in betrayal?

A marriage that was demonically spawned by marital betrayal is far more likely destined for divorce than not. At the very least, it should give the couple cause to question each other’s long-term commitment to each other and whether they can be honest with each other in marriage since they both proved dishonest in their previous marriage.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.