(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

I married young. I married right before I turned 20 years old. I was going to college and met my husband who was a few years older than me. I fell in love with him as he fell in love with me. We soon planned our marriage and future together.

At the time, I knew I was young but I came from a family where many of my siblings and relatives had married around the same age and they had good marriages and successful lives.

We soon married and started our lives together. My husband worked and finished school. I dropped out of school to have our first child. Life quickly became very busy. Money was almost always tight but we were happy and committed to each other and our children.

About two decades later and with a few more children, I was struggling with my life as a mother. I was 5–10 years younger than most of the women who had children the same age as my children and I always felt like the other parents were judging me for being so young or even immature. This feeling increased my discontentment.

I struggled with my self-esteem, insecurities, and my life. I had given up a lot to get married and start a family. I started to lament my decision to marry and start my family. I had given up my young adulthood to marry and start my family and I felt robbed. My husband was kind, loving, and caring but that wasn’t enough for me.

He saw my growing discontentment and worked with me and suggested I go back to school to finish my degree but I felt too old to go back to school. He then suggested I get a part-time job to help me find additional fulfillment. I didn’t want to work. He even took over most of my domestic responsibilities so I could focus on finding myself. With this, I decided to take up some community volunteering and club sports which helped me mentally.

About a year into community service and club sports, I started an extramarital affair. I had been secretly coveting a married man at the club — so I decided to show my interest by flirting with him. It didn’t take long before my flirting turned to sex and lies. We’d meet in the early morning hours and have sex and then go to the club, followed by more sex.

I found that in my affair partner’s arms and bed, I no longer felt insecure and incomplete. I fully embraced my adultery and infidelity. I lied to my husband, our children, my parents, and my friends. My affair partner did the same with his wife, his children, his family, and his friends.

I felt alive again. My lies only bugged me a little bit. I didn’t even mind that I was sleeping with another married man. I went to church knowing I was breaking my marriage vows and covenants but I was fine with it. I put my faith, religion, and God on hold for my affair partner.

Months later, my husband found out about my affair and that was the beginning of the end. My husband was crushed and my children were devastated but I didn’t care. It was my life and I had sacrificed so much for my family that it was now time for them to sacrifice a little for me.

Years later, I am now divorced and living a completely different life. I have more children with my divorced affair partner. I believe I am happy but this new life isn’t what I thought it would be. My husband’s children hate me for what I did to their family with my affair. My children from my first marriage have gone through many emotional cycles over my affair too but they do not hate me. They don’t trust or respect me the same way they did before my affair though. I guess the next few years will reveal how well my new family adjusts to my affair, divorce, and their new family dynamics. I learned that while I may have married young, I divorced dumb.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.