(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

My husband changed. When we married he was more kind-hearted and loving. He adored me and I loved him. He was not without his flaws nor was I but we worked together to build our future and family. Unfortunately, that ended midway through our marriage.

Early in our marriage, I worked while my husband went through medical school. The program required us to relocate a few times domestically and internationally. It was an intensive program to juggle with our newborn children but we were building our future and it would be worth the sacrifice.

What I didn’t realize at the time was he was slowly being consumed by his career. He was busy with his medical program and then residency. When he graduated and landed his first medical job he completely immersed himself in his work, leaving me to manage our children, home, friends, and finances. I pushed on believing that this was the life of a doctor’s wife and that someday he would have enough tenure to work less and spend more time with me and our children.

When COVID-19 hit, he threw himself into his work. He enjoyed the prestige of being a doctor. As a result, he ran ragged to the point where sometimes he’d come home having forgotten to disinfect himself after seeing COVID-19-infected patients. It wasn’t long after that I found out that he was having an affair with a married woman at the club he spent time at.

I knew our marriage needed work and that he was exhausted from COVID-19 but I didn’t imagine he would ever have an affair. I was aware of his past pornography addiction but he had entered into a recovery program and as far as I could tell he no longer engaged in pornography. I was wrong. His porn addiction had led to his affair.

About a month or so into our divorce process, my husband broke things off with his mistress and promised he wanted to work things out with me and our children. We started to spend time together and there were moments when I thought we might work things out.

One summer day, during our reconciliation, he took us to the local public swimming pool. We were still working through our marriage and how to recover from his affair and his initial declaration he wanted a divorce and planned on marrying his mistress. As our children enjoyed their swimming at the pool, we talked. My husband was annoyed that I wanted to work through his affair. He said all he wanted to do was to move on. It wasn’t that easy and yet he was indifferent to me.

As we talked, he looked away and his face went pale. He saw someone. He went from acting indifferent to me to being visibility unnerved. I asked him what was wrong but he wouldn’t answer for some time.

He later suggested we leave the swimming pool park and go home. I insisted he tell me why. His response was, “I think that my old mistress’s husband is over there.” I looked but didn’t see him. (I had looked at my husband’s mistress’s Facebook account so was familiar with what her husband looked like.) I looked for some time but didn’t see him. My husband wouldn’t let it go and insisted we leave. I told him that our children were having fun and that we weren’t going to leave.

For the next hour or so, my husband was shaken and nervous. Almost paranoid. I assured him that I didn’t see anyone there that looked like his mistress’s husband. We both watched and looked for him but never saw him. While we watched, I realized just how “compromised” my husband was. He was no longer the strong and vibrant man he was before his medical program. He was small, insecure, and delicate. He was fearful of meeting the husband of his former mistress.

Because of his selfishness, he exposed our family to a world of shame and insecurity. I realized then, at the pool, that he was a different man than who I had thought he would be at this stage of our lives. He was without remorse for his affair but he was scared to meet the husband of his mistress. My husband was a man without remorse but full of fear and insecurity about being confronted by the husband of his mistress.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.