(The following article is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

At the onset of our divorce, my husband moved out of our home so he could spend more time and have more unrestricted sex with his adulterous mistress. He left me with our children and asked for only the occasional day or weekend with our children so he could freely spend days and nights with his mistress.

My husband was a religious leader in our church and had worked hard to deny his adulterous affair with his married mistress. He lied to members of our congregation about the nature of his affair and blamed our separation on me. (A few neighbors and congregation members had accidentally seen him driving in his car with his mistress.) He told many of our friends and family he was a great husband and that I was a neglectful wife and mother. Any chance he had, he denied his adultery and slandered and defamed me whenever he could.

As I witnessed his vindictive and malicious treatment of me and his denial of his infidelity, I hired a private investigator to help document my husband’s infidelity and promiscuity to protect myself and our children from his lies, deceit, and defamation efforts on my character.

A few months into our divorce process, our son was to go through a religious ceremony and ordination. My husband had misrepresented to our congregation’s ecclesiastical leadership that he wasn’t having an affair with another married woman and was worthy to perform sacred religious rights and ordinations. He insisted that he perform our son’s ordination but I asked him not to because of his adultery and abusive treatment of me.

As he went up to ordain my son, I raised my concerns with the presiding authority at my son’s ceremony and privately shared evidence of my husband’s infidelity. When the presiding authority recognized the indisputable evidence they acknowledged my husband’s infidelity and lies. At that point, my husband was unable to refute the evidence so he stormed out of our church. It was unfortunate but my husband had violated the code of conduct for our congregation and was malicious in his efforts against me and our family.

With Time and Retrospect

While my intent wasn’t to embarrass my husband at our son’s ordination, I realize it did embarrass him and I wish it hadn’t come to that. My son didn’t want his father to ordain him since he knew of his father’s infidelity, and ill-treatment of me, and had caught him in many lies. My husband chose infidelity, abuse, and deceit but when it didn’t work for him, he left our son’s ordination.

The lesson my son took away from the experience is that his father chose infidelity over him and would do anything to ordain him as long as he wasn’t caught in his infidelity and lies. Once he was caught and couldn’t lie his way out anymore, he stormed out and abandoned his son because he didn’t get his way.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.