(The following is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

When I learned that my father had been having an affair it broke my heart. I was young and already struggling in my teenage years so the news of his betrayal was devastating to me and my siblings. I wasn’t as close to my father as I would have liked to be but his betrayal hurt me in ways I didn’t think possible.

Not long after my father’s affair was known to us, he told us that he would be divorcing our mother and marrying his mistress. This had a profound impact on me. We begged him to work his marriage out with our mother. He declined. A few weeks later, he did call off his affair with his mistress and came home to reconcile with my mother and his children. This gave us some hope but he seemed different already.

As part of his reconciliation efforts and recommitting to our family, we asked that he be honest and stop lying to us. His lies had grown more elaborate since his affair started and it was very difficult to sort out truth from lies. He committed to being honest and ending his lies. Within weeks, we caught him in more lies and in his continued affair. He soon moved out and found an apartment close by.

Before my siblings and I would go see our father, we asked that he promise that he wouldn’t have anything to do with his mistress. He promised he wouldn’t and assured us that his divorce had nothing to do with his affair.

Hello Doggie!

My siblings and I didn’t like visiting our father at his apartment. It was awkward having two places to live while our parents’ divorce took place. We felt miserable. My father could see we weren’t enjoying our new family dynamics so he bought video game consoles and distracting toys for us to take our minds off of the pain of our lives and our parents’ divorce.

One day, during our visitation time with our father at his apartment, he surprised us with a new dog. He told us she was a rescue dog that he rescued from a local dog rescue. He named her ‘Monday’ and told us he got her for us to play with and spend time with. He had also started to decorate his apartment in a way that seemed unlike him or his taste. He didn’t enjoy shopping or decorating but he had somehow changed and taken an interest in decorating his apartment.

Months later, our father introduced us to his mistress. We were apprehensive to meet her given her part in the breaking up of our family. However, when she came to his apartment and entered, our dog Monday ran and jumped up on her. She then called Monday, ‘Saturday’. My siblings and I were confused, why would she call our dog, ‘Saturday’? Was she confused? Obviously, our father had his mistress over when we weren’t at his apartment because we found her toiletries in his bathroom but how could she forget Monday’s name?

A week later, we found out that Monday was actually our father’s mistress’ dog. Our dad had lied to us about rescuing her from a dog rescue. We also learned that his mistress had really been the one who decorated his place with her furniture and decor. She was living with him while her divorce was taking place. He lied and lied and lied to us. He denied for months that he was still having his affair with his mistress. Even when he told us months later that he had invited her over to meet us, he said they had just started dating again. More lies.

Time has since passed but when I see my father with his mistress, I see two lost and selfish adults pretending to be whole and somehow oblivious to the destructiveness of their selfish affair. I see my father as a liar and a cheat. I see his mistress as a manipulator who acts like she rescued us from a bad situation. She didn’t rescue us — she hijacked our lives and we were forced to spend time with this opportunist and deceptive mistress. Years later, I am still going to therapy. My father is still a cheat and liar. I don’t think I will ever be able to trust him again. He’s learned nothing from his betrayal and given up on having a real relationship with his children all for a mistress who is an opportunist.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

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The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.