A 2020 study published in the Journal of Sex Research found that 91.5% of men and 60.2% of women reported using pornography within the previous month. Women, not just men, also view porn. However, men are still the biggest consumers of pornography. While many argue that pornography helps explore and express sexuality, research indicates it harms personal well-being and relationships. Pornography use can negatively impact marital intimacy and reduce relationship satisfaction.

An increasing number of married couples report that pornography damages their marriage and relationship. Research shows that pornography use is one of the strongest predictors of poor relationship quality and stability for those in dating relationships and married couples. Such porn-caused damage can lead to divorce.

This brief article explores what you should know about porn in your marriage, including how porn affects relationships and why people rationalize utilizing pornography. The rationale includes:

1. Low Self–Esteem

Janie Lacy, a licensed mental health counselor and certified sex addiction therapist in Florida, says, “Pornography can lower the sense of self-esteem and self-worth of the wife because she may compare herself to the women that her husband is viewing on the screen.” Available research suggests that her assessment is accurate. Many spouses, especially women, feel they can’t compete with porn models and begin to view themselves as sexually undesirable or worthless.

2. Unrealistic Expectations About Sex

Most porn stars and porn movies are scripted and choreographed, just like Hollywood movies. Porn actors are generally enhanced through surgery, body augmentation, lighting, and body-brushed. In reality, typical sex isn’t the same as the scripted scenes porn viewers view on the internet. When people fail to recognize this they end up with unrealistic expectations about sex and have a distorted view of what a sexual partner should look like and be willing to do.

3. Loss of Trust

There are typically two kinds of porn viewers, those who secretly view porn and those who view it with their spouse’s knowledge. Those who view pornography in secrecy, often feel an overwhelming sense of shame and isolation. This shame is enhanced when they lie about what they do in secrecy. Secrets tend to destroy trust in relationships and intimacy. For those who view porn with their spouse‘s knowledge, it can break down the trust in their personal intimacy. Even when spouses are open and honest about their pornography consumption, such consumption can break down the foundation of marital trust.

4. Poor Substitute for Affection and Intimacy

Porn can separate the user from their partner — both in terms of time and emotions. Emotional detachment from sex is very dangerous to the viability of the marriage. Frequent porn use can also cause users to emotionally detach from their partners. Pornography is a poor substitute for the bonding version of sex.

Final Thoughts

Pornography is risky. It undermines intimacy, affection, and commitment. It presents itself as a complementary part of marriage but acts as a countering agent instead. Pornography can lead to emotional separation and eventual marital dissatisfaction or divorce. Pornography can also lead to infidelity in heart, mind, and action.

World-renowned clinical psychologists and relationship experts Drs. John and Julie Gottman write about how porn can negatively affect relationships:

“Use of pornography by one partner leads the couple to have far less sex and ultimately reduces relationship satisfaction…We are led to unconditionally conclude that for many reasons, pornography poses a serious threat to couple intimacy and relationship harmony.”

Citation

This article utilized several articles and studies, including the following: https://www.verywellmind.com/is-pornography-destroying-your-marriage-2302509, https://marripedia.org/effects_of_pornography_on_marriage, https://www.thedatingdivas.com/pornography-affects-marriage/, and https://www.focusonthefamily.com/marriage/how-pornography-impacts-marriage/.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

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About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.