(The following is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

After I found out that my husband of almost 20 years was having an affair, I went into a state of anger and then a mind-numbing shock. During the short-lived “anger” state, I told him to end his relationship with his mistress and to “emotionally” come back to me and our children. He seemed open to emotionally coming back but I soon learned he was still playing his “affair” game.

I found out that he told his mistress he was leaving me. He told her to see how far she would take it with her husband. She believed him and told her husband that she wanted a divorce. Once he could see that she was committed to turning her affair with him into a marriage with him, he let me know that he was going to divorce me. Over the next few weeks, he broke things off a few times with his mistress and told me he was coming back to me and our children. After each occurrence, I realized he was playing a game. He enjoyed the free sex he got from his mistress but he also felt some security in knowing he had a wife and children to go back to. He enjoyed the spontaneity of his affair and free sex with his married mistress but also knew that marrying her would mean losing me, his committed wife, and our intact family.

The back and forth with my husband led me to eventually hire a private investigator to help me gather the evidence I needed to protect myself from his infidelity and to see if he could be faithful to me and our children again. I soon found out that my husband had no honor or integrity left in him. When I found out how he was stringing both his mistress and me along, I filed for divorce.

My husband soon moved out and the divorce process moved forward. My husband became very contentious and vindictive when he realized that no matter how many overtures he made to work things out with me, I wouldn’t listen to him. How could I? I didn’t trust him. He was filled with too many lies and too much deceit.

Things only got worse when he found out about my private investigator. That is when he knew he could no longer lie to me or take advantage of me in regard to alimony. It has been a few years since his affair and our divorce but I am free of his lies and unfaithfulness. Unfortunately, our children are stuck in the middle of his vindictiveness. I just wish it wasn’t the case.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.