In an era where women are finally getting their just due respect, it is oddly incomprehensible how much dishonoring of women still takes place. The unfortunate thing is, many movements have pushed for progress in recognizing women’s rights and yet there is very little said or done with men who blatantly use and abandon women.
However, because of so many contradictory positions held by our popular political, social, and cultural views, there is an overwhelming level of disrespect out there for many women. Some might argue, it is the most disrespectful form of disrespect to women. Based on several studies and published research reports, men who cheat in marriage or committed romantic relationships are being rewarded for their cheating. How are they being rewarded?
According to Dr. Jan Halper, just three percent (3%) of men who had extramarital affairs wed their mistresses. Take a moment and let that startling statistic sink in. For every 100 extramarital affairs, only three will ever end in a marriage between the cheaters. Unfortunately, the three percent survival rate of affairs that eventually transition into marriage isn’t even worth being optimistic about because most eventually end in divorce.
Available research suggests fewer than 25 percent (25%) of cheaters leave their marriage for an affair partner. It is estimated that 9–12% of men leave their spouse for their affair partner but only three percent (3%) end in marriage. According to one source, most of those relationships are statistically unlikely to endure. Furthermore, most of those marriages that begin as affairs join the 75 percent of second marriages that fail, a rate half again as high as first marriages.
According to Elizabeth Landers, who writes about marriage and family, a second marriage that begins with infidelity will likely fail within two years. Of course, there are no guarantees second marriages that begin as affairs will fail. However, the available research and data strongly support such outcomes. Other research suggests most marriages that begin as affairs don’t survive past five years.
Dr. Frank Pittman, the noted psychiatrist, and author, and many others have conjectured about why almost all affairs falter and fail to produce lasting and healthy marriages or romantic relationships. Many of those reasons also follow those rare cases when an affair ends in marriage and causes their demise.
Why Do Men Disrespect Women Like This?
Men who cheat with and on women are rewarded by an ever-increasing pool of women willing to have affairs with uncommitted men. Men prosper in this “schema” because there is little to no recognition by women that they have far more to lose than gain by giving themselves emotionally and sexually to men who do not respect, honor, or value them. The stats are clear evidence of how “cheating” men feel about women they cheat on and with. They leave them once they are done with them.
Based on research, if a man cheats with a woman, the woman can expect at best, one in four chance that the married man will leave his spouse for them. However, of those men who abandoned their spouse for their affair partner, only three percent (3%) will marry their affair partner. Essentially, cheating men are not looking for commitment and stability for themselves or their children but are looking for a “good time” at the expense of the women they use and then abandon.
Women oftentimes can be left pregnant, with STDs or STIs, emotionally traumatized, divorced, socially shamed, and embarrassed when the affair is over while the man moves on to “greener pastures”. All for what? A man who most likely never had any intention of “putting a ring on her”.
For the Few Who Marry Their Affair Partner
In a study from the University of Denver, published in the Archives of Sexual Behavior, researchers had nearly 500 people answer questions about at least two different romantic relationships. Of the research participants, 44 percent reported having sex with someone outside of their current relationship during their study.
People who had cheated before were much more prone to unfaithfulness. Those who cheated in their first relationship were three times (3x) more likely to cheat again. Interestingly enough, the study finding is also backed up by past research. A 2016 study found that among people who had cheated in former relationships, 30 percent cheated on their current partners. That’s compared to only 13 percent of those who had never been unfaithful at all.
Key Takeaway
Affairs are high-stakes games. For women, the data suggests they have a three percent (3%) chance of successfully converting their affair into a marriage and a 25% chance of that marriage that began as an affair working. Setting aside the reality that affairs with married men also include collateral damage to their spouse and children, no one wins but the cheating man walks away 97% of the time and the woman is left picking up the pieces.
Recovering from Infidelity
If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!
Share Your Story
The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.
About the CHADIE Foundation
The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.
The CHADIE Foundation 