(The following is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

During a period of reconciliation with my wife following her affair, she confided in me how she started her affair with another married man. My wife had been trying to get back into shape after giving birth to and helping raise our children. As part of her exercise regimen, she would go to a local park to play morning sports with her friends.

My wife went to the park for several months where both men and women played together. She soon started taking notice of a man who was, as she referred to him, emotionally naive. He seemed robotic and without emotion intelligence. She noticed that he would check his watch often and then sigh. One day, my wife asked him, “Why do you check your watch so often?”. He replied, “To see how I am feeling.” To which she responded, “To see how you are feeling?”. He then answered, “Yes, it shows me how I am feeling emotionally.”

My wife went on to tell me that she had noticed his wife come to the park previously to ask him to come home to help her with getting their children ready and off to school in the morning. She noted how embarrassed he must have felt each time she came to the park to ask him to come home and help her with their children, breakfast, and taking their children to school.

Over time, my wife developed emotional and sexual feelings for her ‘emotionally naive’ friend at the park. Her feelings eventually led to her starting a sexual affair with him. As she explained how she developed feelings for him, I couldn’t help realizing how odd it is that in her broken state, she was attracted to someone who was equally broken.

She took pity on a man who left his wife at home to care for his children while he played sports. He left the responsibility of caring for and rearing his children to his wife. He was so broken that he needed an ‘app’ on his watch to tell him how he was feeling. Rather than digging deep into his soul to identify why he was so self-consumed and neglectful of his wife and children, he buried himself into a world of play and entertainment suitable for an affair.

Key Takeaways

What is oddly interesting in this story is while my wife unfolded her sordid affair with this ‘emotionally naive’ man, we both eventually learned that his wife was going to school to complete her degree, raising their children, and managing all of the domestic responsibilities while he worked and played. She didn’t have the luxury of shirking her parental responsibilities as he did. While he played and had an affair, she cared for and nurtured their children. My wife also had no problem condoning his infidelity to his wife and children because she ‘rescued him’ from his bad marriage and he rescued her from her bad marriage.

In reality, neither my wife nor her affair partner had bad marriages. They simply made bad choices that led to their marriages going bad. When spouses run from their spousal and parental responsibilities they forsake their marital commitments and children. To cope with this, they romanticize their actions and justify their neglect. Both my wife and her affair partner took their ‘brokenness’ into their affair and then broke our two families forever.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.