(The following is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

I decided to continue to wear my wedding band following the sad and terrible revelation of my wife’s affair. Some people said I was crazy. Some simply didn’t understand my decision. Others just shook their head and said nothing. It wasn’t that I was telling people — they simply asked why I continued to wear my wedding band.

Some might suggest that my writing about my decision to continue wearing my wedding band is ‘virtue signaling’ or some manly ‘bravado’ move. It wasn’t. I was raised to believe that marriage was one of the deepest and sincerest commitments one can ever make in this life. I believed marriage was the ultimate union of souls, hearts, and minds. I believed it was and should always be.

It’s not that I was naive about marriage and the rampant nature of divorce and non-committed marriages of our day. I was raised in a home with parents who had a rocky marriage for most of my upbringing. My parents were married for more than 25 years until my father decided he needed more ‘variety’ and had a few affairs.

Through his affairs and the mistreatment of my mother, my mother remained faithful and honorable. My mother wasn’t the perfect wife or mother but she was faithful, honorable, and strong. However, my parents eventually divorced. I wasn’t surprised — in fact, I had predicted their divorce years earlier. I even told my mother that she didn’t need to stay married to my father out of a sense of duty.

I had other poor examples of marriage to be sure but I also had many examples of what a great marriage looked like. I had great examples of commitment, patience, understanding, forgiveness, integrity, honor, and pure unadulterated love. These marriages made me want to be better and to create a marriage that transcended a mere union of bodies, living quarters, and finances.

I decided to wear my wedding band because it represented my marital vows to my wife and my children. I committed my heart, mind, and soul to my marriage when I made my vows and I believed they were for life and beyond.

Regardless of how my wife was acting and desecrating our marriage vows, my vows were based on my commitment to her and our children — not her commitment to them. My vows were an extension of my desire to act with integrity, honor, and commitment to our marriage and family.

While my wife went on with her affair, sleepovers with her affair partner, sexual escapades, etc. I still wore my wedding band. Even though our marriage was diminished in some capacity because of her infidelity and selfishness, I still chose to honor my marriage and children.

Regardless of whether my marriage had become sexless, lonely, cold, and emotionless or not, I still had choices. I could also choose to cheat like my wife or I could stay faithful and committed to my marriage and children. It wasn’t a decision or a choice I had to think about. I chose our marriage and our children over my pain and heartbreak.

My wife and I have since parted ways through a complicated divorce. The day I learned from my attorney that my divorce was final was the day I removed my wedding band and set it aside respectfully. I was finally released from my commitment to my now ex-wife in terms of wearing my ring as an outward expression of an inward commitment to marital fidelity.

Divorce isn’t easy. Dealing with the fallout of my ex-wife’s infidelity, shame, guilt, and vindictiveness isn’t fun either. I don’t understand what happened to my ex-wife for her to seek infidelity nor do I care. It happened and she chose a path that didn’t include an opportunity to stay married. Even though all of this was out of my control, I decided to honor the ending of my marriage as I had honored it before my wife’s infidelity.

I am not a saint. I never will be a saint but I didn’t ever want to look back at my marriage knowing I excused my actions or acted without integrity or fidelity to our marriage. I didn’t handle everything perfectly. It was an ugly process but I did honor my marriage through complete commitment to my marriage and children.

Don’t Lose Hope!

I have since remarried. My marriage isn’t perfect but it is on its way. I married someone committed, honorable, faithful, and full of integrity. I married a strong spouse who is capable of deep love and commitment. She is beautiful to me in so many ways but most beautiful in how she approaches marriage and parenting our children. She is an absolute joy and an example of what a happy spouse and marriage can be.

We have a daily reminder of our commitment to our marriage, children, and each other on one of the walls in our home, “I choose you”. By choosing each other, we choose our marriage and our children. We choose to uphold an institution that can help our children feel safe, stable, confident, and secure in committing to love, marriage, and fidelity.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.