(The following is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

Several years ago, a book series titled, ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ was published. The series is an adult erotic BDSM romance franchise created by British writer E. L. James. Per Wikipedia, “the series originated as a fanfic for the young-adult teen romance novel series Twilight by American author Stephenie Meyer. That story was turned into a full-length novel titled Fifty Shades of Grey. It has produced a novel series with an original novel trilogy and two follow-up novels, as well as a film trilogy.”

Ironically, the title is also a play on words. The phrase “shades of gray” generally refers to a situation that is not clear, particularly with regard to whether or not something is categorically evil. The play on words suggests when doubt comes into play, things are neither black, nor white, but are in a gray area. So the logic goes.

While I haven’t actually read the books or watched the movies, I understand the general purpose of the title. The title or phrase suggests there are times and situations when it isn’t clear what to do. On that, most would arguably agree. However, when referring to something that might be evil, to suggest there are fifty shades of grey seems to excuse action or imply several options of action. In a society where there is no right or wrong, this might be an acceptable approach but where there are rules of law and some general consensus or moral and ethical behavior, believing in “fifty shades of grey” tends to exacerbate the problem rather than elevate a solution.

As a recent example, the July 4th release of the controversial movie, “Sound of Freedom”, has illuminated the gross problem of human trafficking, particularly the sexual trafficking of children. While most of society should be adamantly advocating for eliminating such underground evil and depravity, there are some who work to preserve such “evil”. (Evil in this context isn’t a religious term but is defined as “…something that brings sorrow, distress, or calamity.”) The clear hypocrisy of Hollywood and the media have been unwittingly exposed by their lack of support for the “Sound of Freedom” film and for its effort to expose the evil crime of the child sex trafficking trade.

While this article is not a political or religious article —or a left or right aisle debate— it is an article directed at the dire need for recognizing truth and fallacy in a world that is placated by the “shades of grey” philosophy. There is good and evil in this world. How we define both may vary from group to group but if we use standard measurements and criteria, determining good from evil will be simpler than chalking things up as “fifty shades of grey”. Politics, Hollywood, and the media use the spectrum of “fifty shades of grey” to numb us to our environment and to our decision-making options.

Those who are married know that marriage can be “a beautiful thing” full of good and bad. Marriage is a union of two people who have “promised” or “vowed” to love each other through the good and bad of life. However, the vow or commitment is and always will be a choice. A choice of fidelity. A choice of honor. A choice of integrity. Honor and integrity are part of making a marriage work. On the other side of the marital spectrum, bad marriages can be “an ugly thing” full of evil and malicious acts. Bad marriages can include the evil of contention, violence, vindictiveness, abuse, infidelity, malice, etc. Bad marriages scar spouses and children and perpetuate the cycle of abuse and bad marriages.

Life and marriage shouldn’t be approached as “shades of grey” in terms of living life and honoring a marriage. Yes, there may be lots of grey areas in life but how you live and honor marriage doesn’t need to be lost in the philosophy of “shades of grey”. Each of us can make this world a better place by how we choose to live and how we honor our marriage and family. Edmund Burke was quoted as saying, “The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing.”

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

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