(The following is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

For three months I had been having an affair with a man I met at the club. Our affair was discovered by our spouses and that is when things got complicated.

My affair partner and I hit it off very easily. Our affair was both emotional and sexual. We met in secret — no responsibilities to get in the way of our affair. While our spouses cared for our children at home my affair partner and I worked out at the club, made out, and had sex as often as we could.

When our affair was discovered, my affair partner and I decided we would divorce our spouses and get married. We were in love and neither of our spouses could change that. Or so I thought.

Less than two weeks into our public affair, my affair partner broke off our affair. This was the second time he had done so since our affair had started. I was confused by his actions since we were so madly in love. I went back to him and begged and pleaded with him to take me back. I slept with him and had sex with him to show him how much I loved him. He took me back but two weeks later he broke off our affair for the third time. He told me he loved me but that his wife and family needed him. I broke down and begged him to take me back. I gave him more sex. He still said he needed to go back to his wife and children. I was devastated and honestly lost.

I went back to my husband and children. My husband was willing to consider reconciling but told me I couldn’t ever have another affair. (This was the second affair that he knew about.) I used sex to manipulate my husband into thinking I was committed to him but he didn’t buy it completely. He insisted on proof that I wasn’t going to cheat again which I knew I couldn’t provide.

No matter what I said to my husband he was skeptical. Days later, I went to a mobile phone carrier and privately purchased a phone and mobile plan. For the next five weeks, I sent hundreds of texts and called my former affair partner daily to ‘woo’ him back to me. We met up to make out and have sex a few times a week.

After a month or so of this, my former affair partner moved out of his home and left his wife and children for me. He said he couldn’t work things out with them after all. In the end, I felt I had won him back. He was mine and I was his. We would divorce our spouses and marry each other.

It has been some time since our divorces were finalized. Things have remained unsettled in my mind. I still question if I won. My affair partner became my husband. However, did he really choose me, or just the sex and excitement I gave him? When he went back to his family, did his wife and children believe he could ever be committed to them after cheating on them with me?

Why did he break up with me three times during our affair if he loved me? Since divorcing my husband and marrying my affair partner, I have been approached by people who have told me that my husband has a track record of being unfaithful. (I never bothered to speak with his ex-wife before marrying my affair partner. ) If I won him from his wife and children, what did I win?

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.