(The following article is a contributed article.)

I was born into a devoutly religious family. We went to church every Sunday. We read the scriptures and served in our church and community. We tried to follow the basic tenets of our faith. I consider myself to be a devout and faithful Christian in my particular denomination.

I went through school and to college following the Christian teachings my parents had instilled in me. I wanted to marry someone who was equally committed to their faith in our church and doctrine. I kept myself chaste so I could marry my husband as a virgin.

One day during college, I was set up on a blind date by my sister. I wasn’t interested in being set up on a blind date but felt like I should at least show up and see who it was she had set me up with. It was on that blind date that I met the man who I knew would be my husband. I was almost immediately drawn to him and felt we were ‘soulmates’ but that it might take some time for him to realize it too. Within a few months, we were married and living the dream of a ‘happily ever after’ story.

I was so excited to meet ‘Mr. Right’ and start our family and lives together. A year later we were parents. Over the next decade, we had a few more children and were on our way to having the family I had hoped and prayed for. I loved my husband and children and enjoyed being a wife and mother.

After having our last child, I seemed to hit a wall. A mental, physical, and spiritual wall that blindsided and overwhelmed me. It was as if I was hit so hard that I was lost and disoriented for many years. I had admittedly had times where I was drained and depressed over the years but nothing like this. Being drained and depressed from time to time was normal in marriage from what I had read and heard. This, however, was very, very different.

Soon, I started to question and eventually rebel against everything I had loved and worked so hard to build with my husband. I started to regret most of my life decisions and blame my husband, children, and parents for where I was. I was what many would consider to be a mess. One day I wanted to just run away and never come back. Other days I just wanted to stop feeling the despair and resume the life that I had loved and cherished so much for so long.

A year or so into this indescribable and uncanny cycle, I decided I needed a distraction. I found my ‘distraction’ at our community club in the arms and bed of another man. He was what I had been missing in my life. He understood me. It was as if he was the soulmate I had been looking for during this cycle of depression. We were unfortunately both married to the wrong people. Somehow that didn’t matter because we had found each other and we were ‘one’ together.

This euphoric state lasted for months. I was the happiest I had ever been. I wasn’t just his mistress, I was his one true love. He told me I had rescued him from a miserable marriage and family life. I felt the same about meeting him and how he made me feel. We talked about getting married. He made me so happy. It seemed too good to be true — because it was.

A few months later, my one true love, my soulmate, the new love of my life, unexpectedly dumped me. He said he needed to spend more time with his children and was afraid his wife would not deal well with his affair if she ever found out. He said she would probably be suicidal if she ever did find out. I was blindsided once again but this time it was not by my midlife crisis, it was by my affair partner. He had chosen his wife and children over me. Our affair fantasy came crashing down. Well, at least mine had. I had given him my heart, mind, soul, and body. I had given up my faith in God for this man. I had chosen him over my God, my husband, my children, and my family. It has taken me years — and my divorce — to sort out how I ended up giving up so much for so little.

Dealing with the Aftermath

Through my mental and spiritual crisis, I never really thought about the consequences of my decisions or actions. I don’t know why, but I wish I had. My decisions broke up my marriage, my family, and the marriage and family of my affair partner. My children have struggled since my affair and my resulting divorce. Everything, and I mean everything, has changed for me and my family. My children are tormented by my affair and what it did to their lives. I can only blame myself for the damage I have caused my family and my former affair partner’s family. I was so lost, selfish, and misguided that I justified my adultery. I hope and pray that I can someday make up for everything I did to mess up our family and how my children view me, God, and marriage now.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.