(This is a contributed article.)

As a man who was married to and betrayed by an unfaithful wife, I have become hyper-aware of the damage betrayal and infidelity cause to families and children. Especially to my own family and children. I’ve even witnessed how it seeps down from one generation to another.

I am a survivor of parental infidelity as well as my own wife’s infidelity. It’s impossible to explain in words how devastatingly impactful their infidelity has been to our lives — especially for my siblings and our children. Everything changed with their infidelity. They betrayed and destroyed happy intact families. Not perfect or flawless families, but happy families that were not previously subjected to living as a ‘split’ family where day-to-day living, holidays, events, etc. remind them of their family’s ‘split’ status. Families that weathered hard times, economic downturns, difficult health issues, and financial hardships. Their actions of infidelity violated the sanctuary of our homes.

However, those who have willingly perpetrated the most vile acts of betrayal and infidelity oftentimes are intentionally blinded to the impact of their betrayal. They knowingly gave to another what wasn’t theirs to give and took from another what wasn’t theirs to take.

What do I mean by this? I mean they violated a lifelong and life-changing agreement — formal or informal as it may be — built on honesty, integrity, commitment, and fidelity to their spouse and partner. They gave themselves — emotionally and sexually — to someone else — without the prior consent or knowledge of their spouse and partner. They took from another what wasn’t theirs to take. They stole — and by doing so — violated a state of committed love, honor, trust, affection, and fidelity. In doing so, they also dishonored and violated the sanctity and harmony in their home, family, and extended families.

The saddest part of this savage betrayal is the mixed message and contradictions infidelity leaves children about their unfaithful parent. Unless the cheating parent truthfully acknowledges to their children that their infidelity was the ultimate betrayal, selfish, and emotionally and sexually risky act against their spouse, they may grow up thinking infidelity is justifiable, unavoidable, or acceptable. Most research and studies that I have reviewed show that infidelity can severely impact a child’s trust in others, their ability to have close and healthy relationships with others and their trust in the betraying parent.

Marital betrayal is so harmful and personal that it is hard to excuse or justify and yet so many try to. While betrayal is a choice made by the betrayer, most of those impacted by it had no choice in it or the outcomes. The betrayer’s decisions and actions of infidelity hijack and then rob the rights of the victims. No matter how a betrayer spins their betrayal, they knowingly gave to another what wasn’t theirs to give and took from another what wasn’t theirs to take. They are like thieves in the night. They are without honor and integrity.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

Recovering from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey to recovery. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About the CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.