(This is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

Not too long ago, I was invited to an extracurricular event for my granddaughter. At the event, I spent all the time I could with my granddaughter and simply enjoyed seeing her in her new interest and element. Midway through the event, I had to leave for another family event commitment. As I was about to leave and head to the other family event, I was surprised to have my former daughter-in-law’s husband and former affair partner come up to meet me and shake my hand.

My son had recently divorced my former daughter-in-law because of her repeated infidelity and adultery. I had already come to terms with her unfaithfulness and even forgiven her but I had no desire to be around her because of the pain and strife she had caused my son and their children.

However, I realized early on that if I were to support and be an active part of my grandchildren’s life, I would, from time to time, run into their mother. What I didn’t expect was to have my son’s ex-wife’s husband and former affair partner come up to me and introduce himself. While he was introducing himself to me and talking, the following thoughts and questions flooded my mind:

Why would he come up to me? Doesn’t he have any shame or remorse for the pain he has helped create for all of us?

He’s never apologized to my son, his children, or me so why does he feel like he can just stroll up to me and introduce himself as if we could be friends? Why does he think I would ever want to meet or talk with him?

Was this an ego trip for him to come up to me with such bravado and disregard for what he has done to my son and his children?

He intentionally committed adultery with my son’s wife — while he was still married to his own wife. He helped demolish two families down to the ground. What is mentally and morally wrong with this man?

He must be a narcissist. When I first heard of his affair with my son’s wife, I thought he must be a selfish opportunist with no moral compass or integrity. I mean, what type of person commits adultery, contributes to causing two marriages to end in infidelity-caused divorce, irreparably scars his children and my grandchildren for life, and then comes up and introduces himself like he didn’t do anything shameful or wrong?

After he introduced himself to me and finished his small talk, his wife — my former daughter-in-law — came up and hugged me. She didn’t offer an apology for what she had done to my son through her marital betrayal or said about my son during and following their divorce. I looked at both of them dumbfounded. They were both selfish, delusional, and dysfunctional in every possible way imaginable as parents and spouses. It was like watching two delusional idiots playing with explosives and cringing with fear in anticipation of the inevitable explosion.

As I looked at him, I couldn’t help but think what attracted the two of them together? He was by no means a handsome man — in fact, he had little in terms of good looks or character to attract a woman of any real character or substance. He was a cheater and proved himself completely unfaithful to his former wife and family in his previous marriage. He was devoid of conscience and offered nothing of real value to my grandchildren as their stepfather. The thought and sight of them both made my stomach churn.

I then thought to myself, that their infidelity and adultery only remained “secret” because people — like me — were much more respectful and considerate of their children than they were. We wanted to protect their children from the public shame of their adultery and betrayal — as well as their total disregard for their children and former spouses.

Their marriage wouldn’t last. How could it last? They were unfaithful to their spouses with each other so they had already established a pattern with each other of betrayal and unfaithfulness. Their marriage was built on infidelity, lies, deception, and delusion. While they had proven themselves to be untrustworthy, they deserved each other.

All of this said, my son is far better off no longer having an unfaithful wife like her lying to him and potentially exposing him to the risk of sexually transmitted diseases (STDs). I am still sick about my encounter with them to this day. My grandchildren have to be co-raised and spend time with both their cheating mother and her new husband and former affair partner. Worse yet, my grandchildren have to be subjected to being part of two affair-broken families that are meshed together by two selfish, delusional, and unfaithful parents. As a grandmother, I wish my grandchildren didn’t have to live in this chaotic ‘broken family’ state but I will do what I can to help them navigate through this horribly unfortunate stage of their lives.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

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The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.