(The following is a contributed article.)

I am ashamed to say it. I’m not ashamed that I almost vomited after having sex with my unfaithful wife, but I am ashamed I agreed to have sex with her. Even now thinking about it years later makes my stomach churn.

A few years ago, I learned of my wife’s repeated infidelity. I went through all of the emotions of shock, sorrow, shame, embarrassment, self-doubt, and eventually anger. Through all of it, I told my wife I could forgive her and work through our marriage with her. She told me she was in love with her affair partner and she wanted a divorce. She continued her affair while I filed for divorce.

Several weeks later I was once again blindsided by her when she asked if I was willing to reconsider my offer to work our marriage out. She had shot down my offer to do so before but now had done a 180-degree turn on the issue.

I agreed to meet and discuss reconciliation with her. We met at our home after putting our children to bed. I asked my unfaithful wife why she wanted to work things out. I spent the next couple of hours listening to her explaining how her affair partner had backed out of leaving his wife and children to marry her. She then gave him an ultimatum which he rejected so she ‘claimed she broke off’ their affair.

She went on to explain how she believed her affair with him was founded in ‘true love’ but she didn’t understand why he had left her with no other option than to break it off. She went on and on about how he had told her how much he loved her, despised his wife, and struggled with being the father he should be in a bad marriage. He told her she was his lifeline to a new life. He promised he would marry her and they would both be happy together forever. He lied.

As I listened to my wife talk about her affair in such reverence and adoration, I had such a feeling of disgust and sadness for her. She lamented the fact that he dumped her for his wife and children — or at least that is what he wanted her to believe. My wife expressed minimal shame for her adultery and being the means for damaging our family and the family of her affair partner. She was anything but penitent for being a damning and heartless mistress in both families.

Through her horrifying tale, I felt like I was in the worst possible soap opera episode ever. I saw only the slightest glimmer of my old wife in her. She was still ‘someone else’ other than my wife it seemed. She was someone who had secretly assumed the identity of my wife. She was clueless, callous, shallow, selfish, and delusional. She was lost in a life of infidelity, secrets, and deception.

As I prepared to leave, she asked me to stay the night with her. She did everything she could to entice me to stay but I was just overwhelmed with disgust and disdain for what she had done and who she had become. In the end, I consented to stay because of the slight glimmer I had seen in her earlier. I stayed for my marriage and my children.

That night was the first time I ever felt like vomiting while being intimate with my wife. While she was my wife, she was only my wife in body. She was cold, distant, and virtually soulless. Even today when this memory comes into my mind my stomach churns and I want to vomit.

How it Ended

My wife never came back. The glimmer of hope I saw in her faded away. She was too far gone. Instead, what was left of her was some re-animated soulless version of her. She has never apologized to me, our children, or her affair partner’s wife and children. She walks re-animated amongst the living without cause and without remorse.

Recovery from Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.