A few months after discovering my wife’s affair and adultery, I was midway through the difficult process of divorcing her. I had tried to work out the reconciliation of our marriage but it was over. She had embraced her newfound infidelity and was convinced she would be happier with her affair partner.

I was still struck by how convinced they both were about their ‘love and commitment’ to each other when their relationship was built on infidelity, dishonesty, and deception. It was beyond ironic. It was borderline insane.

As the Holidays arrived, our children found themselves in a very difficult position — how would they celebrate the Holidays with their parents when their parents were going through a very difficult and contentious divorce? I decided to invite our children to spend time with me but let them know that I understood they would want to also spend time with their mother.

I left the invitation open as an all-day event so they didn’t feel pressure or that there was an expectation. I then let them know that I would love to see them but I also understood that it might be difficult to balance spending time with both of their parents and that I understood if they couldn’t spend it with me. I assured them that I loved them and would not be offended in any way if they couldn’t spend time with me.

As the Holiday Season approached, my wife took a completely different approach with our children for Thanksgiving. She guilted them into spending Thanksgiving with them and her family. This wasn’t surprising to me since she was trying so hard to garner support from her family to condone and support her in her infidelity. As a result, she had been trying to triangulate, alienate, and align our children. She had adopted a very selfish and detrimental approach to parenting our children. So, as I had suspected, I didn’t see our children on Thanksgiving.

Surprisingly, when Christmas came, my wife had a rare moment of seemingly benevolent behavior. She agreed to have our children spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with me. I prepared for the event and was excited to finally spend a holiday with our children. Christmas Eve came and then Christmas Day. We spent the time talking, laughing, and playing games together.

We made the most of the time we had as a family that had been torn apart by infidelity and an approaching divorce that would sever our family in ways we couldn’t fathom. Admittedly, there were several moments where I had to fight back the tears of sadness for what was being taken from us.

After we had opened our presents and eaten breakfast, two of our children headed over to my wife’s place to spend the rest of Christmas day with her. (One of our children was not feeling well, and decided to stay and go back to sleep. Another child wanted to stay with us.) An hour or two later, our two children who left to spend time with their mother returned unexpectedly — visibly shaken and teary-eyed.

After some time, they confided in me that their mother was upset that not all of our children had made it over to spend time with her on Christmas day. She told our two children that their siblings were ungrateful and disrespectful and then she lost her temper with them over the issue. As a result, they decided to leave her and return home to be with their siblings and me.

I found out later through my private investigator that my wife wasn’t being benevolent in letting our children spend Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with me. She had instead chosen to sleep over at her affair partner’s apartment to celebrate Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with him. Her affair partner was still married to his wife but was in the process of a divorce due to his affair with my wife.

His children decided they didn’t want to spend Christmas with him because of his adultery. My wife had chosen to break a more than 20-year-old tradition of spending Christmas Eve and Christmas morning with our children so she could be with her affair partner.

I have never shared this or the many other instances of their mother choosing her affair partner over them. For a mother to choose her affair partner over her children is damaging enough, our children do not need to live knowing specifics of how selfish and delusional she was during her affair.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.