(The following is a contributed article obtained through an interview.)

A few years ago, my husband and I were working through marital reconciliation. My husband of more than 15 years struggled to be both a husband and father. His job was demanding in some ways but it wasn’t “brain surgery.” Whatever it was that caused him to be dissatisfied with me and our children, it seemed to cause him to grow more distant from us each day.

I sought some intervention for us by suggesting we go to marriage counseling. My husband was reluctant to agree to any form of intervention. (I think his reluctance, at least in part, was because he was still resentful of the intervention I had him go through to help him with his more than a decade-long pornography addiction. He had balded early in our marriage, was very insecure about his looks, his awkwardness in public settings, and porn had been his outlet of choice to deal with his perceived loss of manhood.)

We started to go to a well-respected marriage counselor but my husband was distant, disengaged, and disinterested in working to resolve our marital issues. While we were sitting in the waiting room, he would ignore me, spend time on his phone, or tell me it was a waste of his time to be there. When he spoke during counseling, he was dismissive or combative with me and the counselor. Everything was my fault and he was not to blame for our failing marriage.

A few months into our marital counseling sessions, I found out he was having an affair with a married woman. I found their extramarital affair communications on his phone one night while he was sleeping. My heart broke as I read the communications and how they spoke of me and her spouse. Such lies and deception.

My husband’s married mistress had placated his ego by telling him he was a great husband and father based on what he told her. She knew nothing of the man he had become and she had no right to hijack our marriage with her infidelity with him.

As I read their communications I couldn’t help but think how filled with lies and deception it was. He lied about his life, religious beliefs, his active role in fathering our children, accomplishments, etc. He had fabricated a life of lies to have his affair with his mistress.

I soon reached out to my husband’s adultery partner’s husband to break the news. I shared what I had found and told him I was sorry to have to let him know about his wife’s affair with my husband.

Not too long after, my husband’s affair partner’s husband confirmed that after reading their affair communication she was also lying. It was amazing to me how both my husband and his affair partner had to lie to each other to have their affair. A secret affair built on hundreds of secrets and lies to each other about who they were, their marriages, and why their affair was justified. My husband gave up on marriage with me — his honest and faithful wife — for a dishonest and unfaithful married mistress. Worse yet, he lied to and betrayed our children. It just made me sad and recognize how pathetic adultery is. Our marriage and children deserved better.

Recovering From Infidelity

If you have experienced infidelity-induced trauma caused by the emotional and sexual betrayal of your spouse, there is hope! If you are a child affected by parental infidelity, there is hope! If you are a spouse who has betrayed the trust, love, and fidelity of your marriage, there is hope! We recommend that you seek support through professional counseling and therapy as well as through groups dedicated to supporting you through this traumatic journey. You are not alone and recovery and healing are possible!

Share Your Story

The CHADIE Foundation shares personal stories of spouses and children impacted by infidelity and affairs. If you have a story you would like to share and have published, please use the contact information below to share your story with The CHADIE Foundation. Our mission is to help educate everyone about the damage infidelity, affairs, and adultery cause families and how to minimize the impact.

About CHADIE Foundation

The CHADIE Foundation (Children are Harmed by Adultery, Divorce, Infidelity, and related Emotional trauma), helps spouses, partners, and children who adultery, affairs, and infidelity have negatively impacted. To learn more about CHADIE and how you can help, please email us at support@chadie.org or visit us at CHADIE.org.